PrintMay 1, 2011
You might be a left head, if ...
Remember redneck jokes? Blonde jokes? Polish jokes? So --- why don't we have leftie jokes? The United States is infested by out-of-control lefties swarming around the media like body lice. Why don't we scratch where it itches?
To start making up for our humor deficit, here are a few starting ideas. Please add your own. Extra points for funny.
"You might be a left head if...
- You can't tell "it's" from "its."
- Your mind cuts out after one tweet a day.
- You think "like" is part of English grammar.
- You believe Jerk Rap is better than Mozart.
- You feel sure that 2 + 2 equals 5 in some cultures.
- You think snowstorms prove global warming.
- You believe God is dead but Karl Marx lives.
- You secretly think human history started when you woke up in high school.
- You've had at least twelve years of education, but you can't read, write, add, subtract, multiply or divide, or make any sense.
- Your eyes glaze over when somebody talks facts and logic.
- You never liked history because it has too many dates.
- You're twelve years old and feel ready to have a baby.
- You think undocumented immigrants lost their documents someplace.
- You think blacks can't be racists.
- You consider Al Sharpton to be a spiritual leader.
- You want to spend your life doing good for humanity, but you can't stand math, science, business, accounting, agriculture, economics or engineering. Or work.
- You think the Nazis were conservatives.
- You're sure you're a Progressive but can't explain what that means. If anything.
- You believe Karl Marx gave human rights to women, blacks, and gays.
- You think the Soviet Union was a good idea.
- You think the most intellectually stuck president in history is a genius.
- You think ObamaCare will balance the budget.
- You think Bill Maher is funny.
- You think race baiting is a perfectly good political argument.
- You believe anything in the New York Times. Anything. A-n-y-t-h-i-n-g.
- You know in your heart that people who don't agree with you are evil, racist, sexist, gay-hating, and Islamophobes.
- You think America deserved 9/11.
- You're scared about Islamophobia, but not about suicide bombers with nukes.
- You believe Christians should not be allowed to criticize Muslims.
- You think it's ok for Hamas to kill families in Israel, but it's not ok for Israel to strike Hamas.
- You think that all drugs should be legalized, because people will use less of them if they're cheap and legal.
- You think Christians are evil, but Muslim terrorists deserve more sympathy and understanding.
- You think the media tell the truth.
- You think Obama never tells a lie.
Next time:
