Whattsa matter? Are ya stoopid or somfin?

For the past fourteen months, I have been hearing from Congress, from Barack Obama, from the Democrats, and from the main-stream media just how stupid I am. OK, I admit it. I am as stupid as a bucket of rocks. Duh!

I am so slack-jawed stupid, that I don't see the benefit of spending over $ 1 trillion dollars on Obamacare. I am offended by the way Congress works, with threats, browbeating, and shady deals; in spite of being told that this is the way it's always been done. And, of course, the Republicans have done it too, so that justifies the behavior. I am too stupid to understand the complex healthcare bill, too dumb to understand Barack Obama's wonderful , insightful explanations (all 300,000 of them), and just not bright enough to remember all of this until November, seven long months away. Maybe I should write November 2, 2010 on my hand. Duh!

I am so frighteningly thick, that I don't understand how a simple harmless gas like carbon dioxide, a gas that every living animal on earth exhales 24/7, can irreparably harm our environment. A consensus of brilliant scientists has failed to convince me that CO2 will kill my wife, rape my daughter, and run over my cat. I am so dumb, I question why every single disaster predicted by the warmists, from hurricanes, to droughts, to glaciers melting, has failed to materialize. Why is it that if all of the hurricanes that occurred in 2007 were caused by global warming, we haven't had a single major storm in 2008 or 2009? Maybe global warming and the predicted catastropheswill stay away if we just give more money to Al Gore and Lower Slobovia. Duh!

I am such a single-digit IQ moron that I don't think the stimulus bill is working very well. I look around my Michigan town, and I see houses being foreclosed (those people who didn't pay their mortgages must be grindingly stupid!), I see once-thriving strip malls at 30% current occupancy, and the company where I worked for over 25 years declaring bankruptcy. I am so tragically brainless that I never noticed that the stimulus bill was loaded with payouts and special favors for individuals and companies who supported the current administration. (Why is it that a majority of the dealerships closed by GM and Chrysler were owned by conservative individuals?) Duh!

I am so box-of-hair stupid that I believe in God, I believe that all human rights come from Him, and I believe that governments must bow to the will of the people. I constantly study American history-real history, and not the sanitized and manipulated version written by Progressives and taught in public schools. I am proud of our founding fathers, and I read the Constitution and Bill of Rights. I believe to the depths of my being that the United States of America is the greatest nation in the history of the planet, and that our existence and shining example have made the world a much better place. I am so gut-wrenchingly thick that I don't believe we owe other nations apologies for our conduct, nor do I aspire to be more like them. Duh!

Finally, because I am one French fry short of a happy meal, I simply cannot understand why I shouldn't just sit back, smile, cash my welfare checks, and stop bothering my betters in Washington. They know so much more than I do. I am such a stupid son-of-a-gun! Duh!