Once there was a kingdom populated by a proud and productive populace. But over time they grew restless and bored with their increasingly pampered lives. They began to feel guilty over their wealth, good fortune, and healthcare on demand. "We want change!" they cried. They crowned a new ruler, King Barama, a champion and secular savior of their venal desires.
Barama proved to be a powerful ruler who smote his enemies with an iron Chicagoland fist, but he lacked the moral fiber of the previous fumbling but well-meaning king. He was a very callous and hard-hearted fellow, demanding that the species of tiny creatures known as the Feetii be put to death on demand, no matter how much they looked or acted like humans. "They have no souls", was the specious rationale of the king and his followers.
The king then decreed that healthcare was too expensive, and had to be spread sparingly among the populace, including those who swam the moat and climbed over the castle walls. He declared that the selfish, greedy complaining pigs in the kingdom that pay all of the golden tribute to the king would pay more for less benefit. The old and infirm were told to move to a giant iceberg, which floated slowly out to sea. This pleased and amused three of the king's evil creatures, the giant AARP, the winged SEIU, and the rotten ACORN. They fed the remaining ancient ones into a wood chipper while the king danced and chortled with joy. He rewarded his obedient demons with gold from the royal coffers, funneled through a small house on Elysian Fields to avoid detection. One day the king addressed his loyal followers. Suddenly, a small, insignificant housefly began to distract him as he spoke, and he instantly crushed it as he crushed all who opposed him. (Of course it was the annoying FOXNEWS fly that he truly dreamt of crushing.) To the king's stunned amazement, his crowd of loyal followers grew angry. "How dare you kill that innocent fly!", cried Ms. PETA. "It feels pain, you know!"
Then a voice was heard from the back of the throng. "What about us?" shouted a tiny, forlorn Feetus. "We feel pain when you crush our skulls with your deadly forceps! Your excuse has always been that we don't have souls, but the other creatures in the kingdom that you cherish and protect don't have souls, either!"
After a long silence, one of the king's loyal followers stepped forward. "There is no such thing as a soul", he simply said. Suddenly it all became clear to the incredulous Feetus. In the king's loyal followers' eyes, a Feetus was the moral equivalent of, nay, the moral inferior of a common housefly. After all, the Feetii would devour the king's resources and lay giant carbon footprints all over the kingdom if they were allowed to live. And it now made sense why the king would allow the giant AARP, the winged SEIU, and the rotten ACORN to feast on the remains of the aged, after their slow, agonizing deaths at the hands of a kingdom-run healthcare system. Since souls do not exist, all life is morally relative and can be degraded by sovereign decree. Without warning, the Jabberwocky-like fire-breathing ABCNBCCBSMSNBC appeared. Carnal thrills ran up its legs, and it mated with the king. In the creature's heat of passion, a splendiferous magic spell was released. All of the Feetii were miraculously transformed into cute little puppies and kittens. From that moment on, none of the king's followers would dare to suggest that they be put to death, and everyone lived in peace and harmony ever after. King Barama and the ABCNBCCBSMSNBC got a room.