A Super Bowl We Can Believe In?

In the spirit of this new era of "change," one of our great American traditions needs some major revisions.  Regardless of the marquee players and nail-biting lead changes, I could barely focus on the entertainment of the game because of the prevalent stench of capitalism, patriotism, and religiosity surrounding Sunday night's Super Bowl.

Despite the fact that a team from a blue state won the game, and that the Steelers' Rooney family and half-time star Bruce Springsteen are huge Democrat supporters, I was disgusted, and I expect President Obama to take a strong stance in combating certain atrocities for future NFL championship games.

In addition to the completely unfair revenue discrepancy between last year's host, Glendale, Arizona, and this year's, Tampa, Florida, which was outlined on American Thinker by Randy Fardal, seven other areas of American progressivism have been violated.

  1. During the pre-game festivities, Cardinal quarterback and devout Christian Kurt Warner won the NFL's Man of the Year Award for excellence in community service.  However, his prominent displays of his faith are offensive to many irreligious Americans.  "I am humbled the Lord has given me such an amazing life to impact others," Warner said after receiving the honor.  When stars shove their beliefs down the throats of others, we must stand up for our freedom from religion.
  2. Continuing with that perspective, Faith Hill's singing of "America the Beautiful" offends us further, yet.  The repeated use of the word "God" needs to be removed from all patriotic songs immediately.  He mustn't be allowed to "shed his grace" anywhere near thee or within the borders of these secular states. 
  3. During the coin toss, the man who received the greatest applause and respect from the stadium full of fans, superstar athletes, and former NFL heroes was General David Petraeus, the leader of our oppressive and imperialistic military.  Regardless of the fact that he led our surge in Iraq, which has brought us closer to victory there, his presence on the field was an ugly display of our pro-war culture.  But we should still respect the troops.
  4. Capitalism.  It's repulsive.  Three million dollars for a commercial spot?  It's not fair to the small businesses out there that cannot compete with those evil, multi-billion dollar corporations.  Next year, we must demand that all commercials be divided among businesses of all sizes.  After all, my one-man web design side business deserves to succeed just as much as GoDaddy.  That talking baby from the E*Trade commercials is pretty funny, though.
  5. During half-time, the quantity of fireworks exploded was akin to a small environmental catastrophe.  According to the L.A. Times, "When their blends of black powder, metals, oxidizers, fuels and other toxic ingredients are ignited, traces wind up in the environment, often spreading long distances and lasting for days, even months."  It's unknown how much harm we did Sunday night not only within the football stadium, but out into the atmosphere.  Our beautiful planet must be crying amidst our selfish celebrations.
  6. Capitalism...again.  Its ugliness also showed up in the respective team budgets.  The Steelers boasted a $5 million advantage in player salary spending over the Cardinals.  That dollar amount difference is approximately worth one more superstar player for Arizona.  Imagine if the Cardinals had one more dynamic receiver to throw to or another all-star defender making tackles.  That would've been much more in line with the American spirit of equality.  The Steelers should be at least a little ashamed of their victory.
  7. Finally, the Steelers won without any changes in the rules or intervention from the federal government.  That's not the progressive America I want to live in.  We all deserve assistance, and it's the responsibility of our leaders to get involved with our enterprises to ensure success.  The Steelers are showing isolationism, greed, and selfishness.  They simply used their intelligence, hard work, toughness, and a little luck to become the victors.  What a contradictory view of American ideals.

These are just a few of the most obvious problems our great game has, and they could easily be remedied by our sports-fan President Obama.  I know he was cheering for the Steelers, but the Cardinals played valiantly and should've been given some extra help.  They could've used more cheers from non-supporters.  They could've used fifth downs on some of those important drives.  They could've used twelve players instead of eleven.  This is a nation of equality and taking care of each other, after all.  So come to think of it, they could've used a tie.  Now that would be an American tradition I would call "super."