Prepared Transcript Of Joe Biden’s Speech To The Nation About Antisemitism (Satire)

Using her influence as editor of Patriot Neighbors and contributor to American Thinker, Robin Itzler was able to obtain an advance transcript of President Joe Biden’s upcoming address to the nation. (This is a satire.)


Good evening, my fellow Americans. First, I want to be clear that the United States of America supports its most trusted ally, Israel, the only democracy in the Middle East. This is why shortly after the horrific Hamas pogrom that killed approximately 1,400 Israelis, injured thousands more, and kidnapped 200 people, mostly civilians, my administration gave Hamas $100 million in humanitarian aid. While Hamas spent most of the money on ammunition, missiles, and guns so they could injure and kill more Israelis, it’s important to note that everything was stored in a hospital, which is why we consider it humanitarian aid.

Then, on November 14, the State Department reissued a sanctions waiver that gave Iran, the world’s leading exporter of terrorism and the number one country funding Hamas, access to more than $10 billion.

And let’s not forget that, before the Hamas attack, we never complained that Iran was ignoring US sanctions and selling its oil to China, Russia, and other pro-terrorist nations and raking in tens of billions of dollars to help fund terrorist attacks in Israel.

Image: Joe Biden (edited). YouTube screen grab.

There you have it, three examples that show how much the Biden administration supports Israel.

Since the barbaric Hamas attack on Israel, the United States has repeatedly called for a ceasefire to allow Hamas time to plan future attacks. The ceasefire is very important because we need to win Michigan in the 2024 election.

I’m not supposed to say this, but the Muslims in Michigan mean a helluva lot more to me than the Jews in America or Israel.

Now I know many Americans are upset seeing rallies supporting Hamas terrorists. There is nothing more frustrating than being held up in traffic by the same protestors you saw at the “mostly peaceful” 2020 Black Lives Matter riots. I understand these Americans’ anger. I get angry when the ice cream store runs out of my favorite flavor.

By the way, am I the only one who confuses the Palestinian and Pride flags?

My fellow Americans, I like Jews. Jewish delis make the best pastrami sandwiches. Surely, Hunter must have slept with some Jewish women.

There are many Jews in my administration. They don’t seem to care that my party, the Democratic Party, is filled with people who support terrorists, so why should you care? We held a meeting with some in my administration who think Hamas has a great bunch of people. It was a nice chat with several sharing poetry…something about the river and sea.

But antisemitism is on the rise, which is why Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre always talks about Islamophobia and transgenders.

But I am here tonight to talk about stopping antisemitism. As my daughter Ashley used to say as a young teenage girl when I insisted on our showering together, “Stop!”

Today, I am calling on Americans to do their part to stop the hatred against Jews. If you see a swastika painted on someone’s house, leave a flyer about Islamophobia. If someone is keying a car with anti-Jewish slogans, talk to them about transgenders.

We must stop antisemitism, especially on our college and university campuses.

That is why, two weeks ago, I asked Vice President Kamala Harris [cackling heard off to the side] to head a committee on this important issue.

I am pleased tonight to announce that Vice President Harris reached out to Congressional members who have an intimate understanding of antisemitism. My thanks to Reps. Rashida Tlaib, Ilhan Omar, Jamaal Bowman, Cori Bush, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for meeting with the Vice President in the White House Wannsee Conference Room to address the Jewish Question.

Tomorrow, I am going to Capitol Hill to offer their recommendations, which I am calling the Abdul Accords:

  • To protect America’s Jewish citizens, consider relocating them to communities where only Jews would live. For their protection, the neighborhoods would be surrounded by high walls and barbed wire.
  • To protect America’s Jewish citizens, there would be guards at the gates of these walled-in communities.
  • To protect America’s Jewish citizens, the Jewish community should be located close to railroad tracks.
  • To protect America’s Jewish citizens, when they leave their walled-in community, they would wear an insignia so the police immediately know who they are, something in a nice yellow, maybe…

To close, I want to assure everyone that the Biden administration and the Democrat party are doing our best to make America free of antisemitism…or Judenfrei, whichever occurs first.

That’s it for now. Jill says it’s time for ice cream. God Bless that thing, you know.

Robin M. Itzler is a regular contributor to American Thinker. She can be reached at

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