If You Oppose Tyranny, You’re on the FBI’s AGAAVE List

As if locking up J6 protesters for their political beliefs and repeatedly arresting President Trump for opposing the Deep State had not been big enough clues, America’s KGB goon squad revealed last month that it has a whole new domestic terrorism category specifically created to target MAGA voters: Anti-Government, Anti-Authority, Violent Extremists.  (Fist bump to any reader who sees “AGAAVE” and immediately thinks that it must be Tequila Tuesday somewhere.)

It’s always disconcerting to find more proof that the FBI is every bit the dangerous, psychopathic, anti-American organization that it appears.  Whenever I refer to it as the “Fascist Bureau of Intimidation,” a little voice in my head asks, “Is that entirely fair?”  Then I see how it’s AGAAVE’d half the population onto a terrorist watchlist, and I realize that I’m not being critical enough.  This agency is Soviet Russia’s Cheka secret police through and through.  

It just goes to show what a commie-curious, shock troop–loving, Big Brother monstrosity the United States Leviathan has become when its “premier” law enforcement agency thinks people opposed to authoritarianism are the real problem. 

The Founding Fathers — who have no doubt rolled over so many times in their graves these last two decades to have awakened half the spirits on the East Coast — bequeathed a political legacy grounded in the abiding truth that no form of government can be trusted.  Being “anti-government” and “anti-authority” was kind of the crux of a liberty movement that appreciated the corrupting influences of power and the malicious inclinations of those who successfully hoard it.  

Opposing entrenched government authority is so crucial for overall political stability, in fact, that the Constitution slices and dices legal powers into competing state and federal offices, while the Bill of Rights takes great pains to explicitly protect Americans’ inherent rights to speak freely and arm themselves in defense against government tyranny.  Together, the First and Second Amendments are a combination punch meant to empower ordinary Americans against the inevitable excesses and mischief of government authority. 

According to the FBI, however, America’s most ardent defenders of the Bill of Rights are now simply the Bureau’s “Most Wanted.”  Warning, citizens!  Be on the lookout for all those dangerous constitutionalists so fond of waving the American flag out of a chivalrous devotion to the land of the free and the home of the brave.  For America’s Cheka-FBI, if you aren’t kneeling during the National Anthem, you might just be a threat!

On the surface, it seems perfectly reasonable to target “violence.”  In this post-modern America, where words have lost their true meaning, however, language is now public enemy number one.  Have you ever said anything “politically incorrect”?  Have you ever dared to explain to the gullibly indoctrinated that biological sex is real and that “transgenderism” is another mass delusion?  Have you ever publicly expressed your opinion that open border policies have increased violent crime and destroyed once-happy communities?  Then, according to the FBI’s Newspeak, you have used your words to perpetuate “violence.”  You may have thought you were exercising your right to free speech, but to the FBI’s jackbooted thought police, you are shooting off “hate”-tipped bullets like a deranged terrorist. 

Right now, the Fetid Bureau of Identity politics is working with its censorship partners in Homeland (in)Security to seek out and destroy offending speech.  If Big Brother hasn’t pre-approved your nouns, verbs, and adjectives, then the FBI treats your sentences as if they were armed and dangerous.  Books still burn at 451 degrees Fahrenheit, but today’s federal feelings-enforcers can expunge entire publications with the stroke of a key!

But don’t forget about “extremism” — the government’s catchall criminal offense meant to scoop up every American still in possession of a functioning brain.  J6 grandmas on a pension, Catholic parishioners, concerned public school parents — nobody is safe!  Don’t think too creatively, or you might color outside the lines of government-engineered conformity!  Don’t question “expert consensus” too boisterously, or you might find yourself declared insane!  The State is like a factory interested in producing identical citizen units, and any unit that performs in an unsanctioned manner must be chucked into the recycle bin until it learns to behave.  “Extremism” is now a Newspeak description for any person who continues to “malfunction” — that is, any person who insists on thinking for himself. 

How far the FBI has fallen.  It once investigated actual crimes.  Now it spends all its time trying to gag its critics.  It remains on a perpetual hunt for scary words that cause rhetorical “violence” and any “extreme” opinions that counter the official orthodoxy of the State.  Pro tip: If your words must be whispered to avoid persecution, then you might just be a “violent extremist.”  If you shout them from the rooftops, then you’ve gone full AGAAVE and must be squashed like a grape.

If those of us who have been stricken with AGAAVE are officially “enemies of the State,” then being anti-AGAAVE must make one a super-duper-citizen.  How do you earn that social credit score?  Easy — you just have to be a pro-government, pro-authority, bootlicking, politically correct, obedient, unoriginal, and bland human being!  Like some class pet eager to follow every rule, the FBI’s ideal American believes everything he’s told and never disobeys.  Raise your hand if you still believe that COVID came from a wet market, that the fake “vaccines” are perfectly “safe and effective,” and that every change in the weather is a result of some “science denier” driving around in a gas-guzzling SUV.  If your hand is up high, you might be a government-approved, anti-AGAAVE American worthy of praise.  Now get in line for another gene-altering injection, “coexist” with the drug cartels operating in your favorite “sanctuary city,” and never forget to wear at least four surgical masks and a dog cone collar around your face.

Isn’t it amazing that so many hippy-dippy teenagers who “fought the man” during the ’60s and ’70s grew up to be more authoritarian than anything they experienced in their youth?  Isn’t it surreal that so many of them produced children who embrace authoritarianism as a quasi-religion?  Just what kind of counter-culture creates generations of government bureaucrats who instinctively demand that Americans do exactly as they’re told?  The same people who once fought to have their voices heard now insist on silencing all dissent.  The same people who used to see mainstream culture as antithetical to authentic art now demand that only one “politically correct narrative” ever be expressed.  The same people who once painted life with bright colors now shade everything in dreary grey.  Those Americans most inclined to view themselves as “intellectuals” have constructed a terribly stifling society where only goose-stepping lemmings rise in academia and freethinkers are punished for being brave. 

It’s as if inside every one of those “make love, not war” pseudo-rebels was just another teenaged Hitler screaming to get out.  And given how many of them now bend over backwards to defend vile Hamas barbarians while blaming Jews for their own torture and suffering, it seems obvious to anyone with a working mind that the people most likely to define themselves as “anti-fascist” are, in fact, fascists of the worst kind today.  

There will one day be a reckoning when those who have aided and abetted this pernicious American police state find themselves in the dock.  The government’s program of censorship, political persecution, and human rights abuses will be judged.  People will gasp in disbelief as they learn just how much the FBI has betrayed the Constitution.  And those who are now complicit with their silence will be asked: why did you not oppose government tyranny when you had the chance?

Image: Tom Ahearn via Flickr, CC BY-NC 2.0 (cropped).

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