Ottawa: The Charge of the Woke Brigade

Remember President Clinton? I remember that, after he left office, he regretted that he'd never be ranked among the top presidents because he didn't have a war on his watch. Kosovo need not apply.

There's a "tell" here, of course. It is that the leader of a country is not there to hand out goodies in the latest ruling-class enthusiasm for spending other people's money. It is to keep a sharp eye out for enemies. And if an enemy shows up on his watch, he should stick a fork in it.

There's a reason why heads of state like the Kaiser and Joe Stalin and Mao Zedong -- and even Prime Minister Winston Churchill during WWII -- like to dress up in military uniforms. You'll have noticed that male members of the British Royal Family do the same. It's because.

So think of poor Justin Trudeau, whose only encounter with warpaint is that blackface photo that we've all sneered about.

What if he could send the Canadian cavalry charging into a crowd of rebels and insurrectionists with sabers drawn and sharpened? Why, then he could really stand with the great and powerful Oz.

Unfortunately, in another proof of God's existence, all that the fierce masked Canadian Flashmen could manage -- I assume they wore traditional cavalry mustaches under their masks -- was to knock over a little old lady on a mobility scooter -- now identified as an indigenous elder. Oh, dear. I wonder what the book will be called? Flashman and the Little Old Lady?  Alas, George MacDonald Fraser is dead, so he won't be able to write the book.

Still, we can take heart that Justin Trudeau knows how to dish out an insult, like any barroom brawler down the ages.

Today in the House, Members of Parliament unanimously condemned the antisemitism, Islamophobia, anti-Black racism, homophobia, and transphobia that we’ve seen on display in Ottawa over the past number of days. Together, let’s keep working to make Canada more inclusive.

I agree, Justin: bouncy castles are straight-up systemic white insurrection.

But I wonder what pejorative is appropriate -- with the mandatory -phobia ending -- for a regime that mows down little old ladies with the Charge of the Woke Brigade? As in:

Half a block, half a block,
Half a block onward,
Into little old ladies
Rode the Woke hundred.

Fortunately, there is a word. It is oikophobia, coined by the dearly departed Roger Scruton. It means "the fear of one's fellow countrymen."

That just about sums it up for Our Justin and his fellow Virtuals: fear of their fellow countrymen, fear that the loyalty to the Woke Cause among the Physicals might not be quite as certain as those with a career and a pecuniary interest in Woke-with-everything, and indeed, whose very ideological detachment from Woke Orthodoxy is manifest in their inexplicable devotion to climate-killing fossil-fuel-powered transportation.

Now, Scruton knew all about horses, for he liked to go fox-hunting, although I don't know if he ever sharpened a saber. Did you know how Scruton met his wife Sophie Jeffreys? His horse, a gelding, kept sidling up alongside Sophie's horse, a mare, as the hunt was milling around prior to the Tally Ho. So one thing led to another, as they do when horses are around.

But let's get back to more important things.

“Forward, the Woke Brigade!”
Was there a woke dismayed?
Not though the wokies knew
Someone had blundered.
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to tweet and lie.
Into little old ladies
Rode the Woke hundred.

That's the point, what we all hope. That King Justin has just made a dreadful mistake, just like the catastrophic Charge of the Light Brigade in the Crimean War, another vital attempt to stop Russian world domination.

But let us not just versify on the glorious deeds of the Woke Brigade. Why not sing about the glory of being Justin, the Wokey King?

For I am a Wokey King!
And it is, it is a glorious thing
To be a Wokey King!

It's odd, isn't it, that we don't have a satirical tradition in the modern Wokey musical world. Why should the Victorians have been so good at it?  I mean, Victorians! Because when our generation does it, it's so serious:

Do you see the castles bounce?
Bouncing the kids of angry men?
It is the laughter of the people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the neighing of the mounts
Echoes the blaring of your horns
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

Well, Les Déplorables is not so serious by the time I've finished with it. I think you should laugh at practically everything, including yourself because the worst thing my Dad would say about anyone was "absolutely no sense of humor."

Anybody know if Justin Trudeau has a sense of humor? At least he's a war hero.

Christopher Chantrill @chrischantrill runs the go-to site on US government finances, Also get his American Manifesto and his Road to the Middle Class.

Image: Elizabeth Thompson

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