The True Lunacy of Reparations

​With race relations apparently having a permanent place in the headlines and radical race activists doing all they can to keep us at each others’ throats, we once again have the race-baiters out there calling for — you guessed it, reparations.  And when I say “back in the headlines,” I mean that the “racial tensions” are a story because the media have a massive vested interest in keeping them in the headlines.  One of the media’s goals is to keep Americans angry and believing that we all hate each other, because the headline “Everyone Is Getting Along Today” doesn’t sell newspapers or advertising space and doesn’t generate the Almighty Click.
​But I digress. 
​This is not an article on race relations.  This is my attempt to discuss the concept of reparations and get beyond the basic idea that White People Owe Black People, because that seems to be how the topic is presented whenever I hear it discussed; Evil White People owe Noble Black People for all the pain and suffering caused by slavery.  People buy into this naive concept because a) it’s what their liberal professors are spouting in classrooms to hordes of vapid Millennials who know no better b) they don’t think any harder about it than they do about the latest cat meme they saw on Facebook c) they stand to be on the receiving end of this prospective paycheck or d) they have been told all their lives that they are victims.
​I’ll start off by saying what no one should actually ever have to say; slavery was and is awful.  It was and is awful wherever it has happened, whenever it has happened and anywhere it is still happening today.  Slavery is awful and should never be tolerated.  Just wanted to make sure I was clear on that, lest the Cancel Mob come after me.
​That said, the very idea of reparations falls apart at the slightest inkling of critical thought; for instance, with the simple question of “Who?”   Who would actually receive these reparations? And who would pay them?   In that sense, this is a very simple discussion.
​Let’s start with the latter question first; Who would pay Reparations? Would all white people pay? If so, do we distinguish between, say, people whose ancestors lived in the northern United States and never owned any slaves and people whose ancestors lived in the South where slavery was commonplace? Would we exclude any white people whose families came to America after slavery was abolished? What about the millions of Northern “snowbirds” who have moved to the South in the last 50 or so years? Do they still pay? What about the descendents of slave-holding Southerners who have moved to northern states?  Are they still on the hook?
​Moving further into the quagmire, what about people of mixed race? What if I were the son of a black man and a white woman, like for instance, our 44th President? Do I get half as much as someone who had two black parents? Do I break even because the white half of me has to pay the black half? What about if I were only a quarter black? Or an eighth? What if one black parent was descended from slaves and the other was a recent immigrant from Africa? You would eventually need a Good Will Hunting MIT equation to be able to figure out who gets what and from whom!!
​And since this is kind of fun (yet somehow infuriating at the same time), I’ll push on. As for those who would receive this conscience-cleansing bounty of cash, how will that be decided? You run into many of the same questions as the paragraph above — Who counts as a descendant of slaves? What about people of mixed race? What percentage does one receive based on these factors? — PLUS, you have the added bonus of perhaps needing a test to prove one’s credentials to be part of the Liberal White Guilt jackpot. ​​Does every black person get some reparations, because it might be difficult to prove their entire family history? If not, how do we actually prove someone’s link to ancestors who were slaves 150-250 years ago or more? Does the typical black person possess some kind of documents that show a clear lineage going back to the 1800s? Is this info printed on the back of the Race Card, like Organ Donor information?
​What will be the plan for more recent black immigrants who came to America well after slavery was abolished...maybe even in just that last decade or two? Do they still count? What about those who came from Africa who are descended from people who sold the slaves to Americans? After all, the slaves were not stolen or kidnapped from Africa…they were sold to the colonists…by others, sometimes from Africans directly, and sometimes through the black brokers in the Caribbean, with Kamala Harris's ancestors among them. So what if your great-great grandfather was on the seller side of that transaction? Do you get money? Do you pay? Both?
​Moving on to the 'how' question: Would the funds for this idiocy come from the country’s overall tax revenue? If so, how do we assure that black people’s taxes aren’t being used to pay themselves reparations? Would it be a special tax assessment, like that extra collection plate that gets passed around at the end of church for a special cause? Would there be a way for sane black people to opt out of receiving this blood money?
​Of course, this whole conversation requires that we conveniently ignore the fact that no slaves exist in this country today (but there are still more than 9 million slaves in Africa alone, interestingly) nor is there any living person in America, save for perhaps some recent immigrants from the aforementioned slave-filled continent of Africa (who would very likely be black themselves), who has indeed ever owned a slave. The number of slaves in Africa today is roughly 25 times more than the total number of slaves that ever existed in America, by the way. Why is that fact not of bigger concern to people of all colors around the world?
​I could go on, of course, but this mental gymnastics, while fun for a little while, has taken its toll on me. I forgot to stretch beforehand, and I believe I may have pulled a cortex or sprained a lobe or something — what’s the brain’s equivalent of a hamstring. Though it’s only 9:30 a.m., I’m feeling the strong urge for something more potent than my daily coffee, and that’s probably not healthy.
​But I think you get the idea. That is, if you are not borderline clinically insane, the entire idea of reparations is completely absurd. It’s impractical, immoral, and frankly, unachievable. And here’s the simple secret that “they don’t want you to know:” the Al Sharptons of the world, and every other lunatic calling for reparations, knows it can’t be done, and they don’t really want it in the first place.  It is all designed to further push the institution of White Guilt and Black Victim to foment the tension between the races.  Because if we ever do “all just get along,” guys like Sharpton will be out of a job and the White Liberal Guilt Gravy Train will come to an end.
Image: Fibonacci Blue, via Wikimedia Commons // CC BY 2.0
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