Let's Celebrate the Federal Government on April Fools' Day

Let's celebrate the federal government every April Fools' Day.  How fitting a holiday to toast a byzantine, irresponsible, and largely untouchable system of red-tape rule-makers and above-the-law actors who do little for the American people other than overpromise, underperform, and charge a hundred times more than they're worth for the service.  This is a bureaucratic leviathan so corrupt that it requires a cottage industry of lobbyists to enrich the "public servants," so unserious in its missions that it can't finish one war before starting the next, so anti-American in its sentiments that it routinely proclaims its citizens the most villainous racists and rubes on Earth, and so incompetent in executing its long-term strategies that its reckless spending of borrowed monies has pushed the dollar to the brink of collapse.  

What profligate, vain, sanctimonious fools have permanently taken over the national government.  What morally vacuous scoundrels and scolds have taken up residence where giants of intellect and great defenders of freedom once stood.  How craven yet supercilious are these embarrassing Marie Antionettes who bask in their own illusory superiority while nonchalantly declaring that men are now women, that fear of death justifies destroying daily life, that face masks magically prove one's virtue, and that all "free" Americans must now bow down before the state's false religion of the woke and perpetually aggrieved.  Caligula had nothing on the current crop of poseurs and pretenders who rule Americans through fear while doing absolutely nothing for America.  The least we can do is reserve one day on the calendar for recognizing how foolish our leaders truly are, for it's clear that the federal government takes us all for fools 365 days a year.  

Twenty-eight trillion dollars in debt, and all we have to show for our coming financial doom is a Constitution as broken as our crumbling bridges and roads and a ruling class of D.C. despots who spend their days steeping America in socialism while viciously attacking American citizens as deplorable, white supremacist, bitter-clinger Neanderthals not worthy of the same respect showered upon the thousands of foreign nationals who break in here daily.

If forty million Americans decided just to set up shop in Guatemala or Belize en masse tomorrow without wondering what the locals might think, the world would denounce the great American migration as an imperial invasion.  Neither France nor Japan nor the Vatican would blithely allow tens of millions of American cowboys to take over their lands and do as they pleased.  

Only in the United States — the most indebted nation in the history of the world — is it considered somehow rude or uncivilized to ask strangers to get in line and wait their turn.  Only in America are borders meaningless, border-protectors demonized by their government while drug cartels and sex-traffickers wage war against them daily, and American citizens denounced "cruel" for not recognizing all the attendant violence and mayhem as supreme "acts of love" worthy of the government's financial support.  In America, the borders are open for anyone, businesses and the nanny-class get to cash in while local communities suffer, the American people pick up the tab, and the federal government calls the whole scam "progress."  April fools! 

Twenty-eight trillion dollars in debt, and we still can't win wars that have been going on so long that sons (and daughters) have replaced their fathers on the front lines half a world away.  If the unexplained aerial phenomena seen hovering around our nuclear bases and submarines really do augur future get-togethers with interstellar interlopers from the great black unknown, then surely those illegal aliens must view Afghanistan's Taliban as the planet's ruling faction, since it's apparently beyond any other nation's capabilities to put those evildoers down permanently.  

The United States spends more on defense than the next ten countries combined but can't finish off one of the poorest enemies on the planet in combat that has lasted five times as long as the entirety of WWII.  And instead of pondering how America's military brass and political leadership could allow the world's best war-fighters to languish in a perpetual stalemate, the federal government has decided that the best use of its time and resources is to redesign the armed forces into some kind of feelings-based "safe space" that men in skirts, pregnant women, and Black Lives Matter Marxists will find appealing.  Conflict with China looms, and the good folks in D.C. have decided first to wage war against masculinity, purge the troops of men who actually enjoy throwing a punch, and redesign platoons into something more fitting for Mount Holyoke's faculty lounge.  April fools!  

Twenty-eight trillion dollars in debt, and we have less financial leverage over China than the communists have over us.  For thirty years, the American government has intentionally ignored China's human rights abuses while singlehandedly elevating that once crippled nation from a third-world, poverty-stricken, agrarian police state with limited regional clout to an industrial and manufacturing powerhouse and dangerous geopolitical foe in the monumentally mistaken belief that Western economic integration would tame and assimilate communists in China rather than the other way around.  

From the Tiananmen Square Massacre of '89 to today's Uighur genocide, American politicians and corporations have looked the other way and chosen to enrich themselves while transferring America's manufacturing dominance, know-how, and wealth to an enemy nation that wishes us existential harm.  In the mother of all policy backfires, the American government has managed to fortify China as a superpower while weakening America's own global clout and destroying the American middle class, and it has proved an empty vessel for defending American culture and education from Chinese communist persuasion.  And after setting into motion one of the greatest geopolitical blunders of the last two centuries, those same strategic thinkers must now sit idly by and watch as China joins forces with Russia to exert economic and military dominance over Eurasia and half the world's population — the one strategic calamity that the federal government sought to prevent ever since Nixon first set foot on Chinese soil fifty years ago.  

How will the federal government respond to this emerging Sino-Russian dominance?  It will focus its efforts at NATO and in the U.N. on fighting climate change so it can pretend to do much while doing nothing at all.  The Washington establishment class will tilt at windmills and guzzle that New World Order elixir until it's drunk and wobbling before realizing that it has squandered all its power fighting all the wrong battles, including those waged against the American people themselves.  But at least those fools will have their political correctness and climate change fantasies to keep them warm at night and what's left of their Chinese campaign contributions to get them through the rainy days ahead.

That, and they'll always be remembered on April Fools' Day.

Image: Lars Di Scenza via Wikimedia Commons, CC BY-SA 4.0.