Notorious Washington Conspiracy Theorists Bemoan

It was so encouraging to see Jeb! Bush and Ben! Sasse and Chris! Wallace all turn on a dime last week and start going after the rampant conspiracy theories that plague our republic.  

Certain members of the Democratic Party, and I won't say who, have insisted for twenty years that 9/11 was an inside job.  The same party whose presidential nominee Colin Powell just endorsed is certain that the general lied about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq so that Dick Cheney could make a fortune on Halliburton stock and George Bush could lead a new crusade against Islam in the Middle East. 

Even after the release of thousands of internal emails revealing global warming hysteria to be based on nothing but fraud, a coalition of the unscrupulous continues to insist that the planet is a few short years from death (but please send your donations to the U.N.'s favorite green advocacy front groups tomorrow and support mega-taxation in the name of global government, and we can still miraculously survive!).  

Hillary lost not because she's an unlikeable person, a horrible politician, and a grifter extraordinaire; she lost because the election was stolen from her by the Russians, the same people who bankrolled the Clinton Foundation for influence while buying up America's uranium stockpile.  Everyone knows that the Russians would prefer to throw away mountains of leverage over the corrupt Clintons for an unknown political quantity who can't be controlled or silenced like Donald Trump.  

And when it's not the Russians stealing American elections, it's those nasty, racist voter identification laws that are to blame for Democrat losses.  Or the dastardly plot to rid America of her mailboxes before they can be stuffed with fraudulent ballots.  Sure, the National Association of Letter Carriers just heartily endorsed Dementia Joe for president, an act that will leave at least half of America extra-skeptical of whether postal employees who have been elevated to vote-gatherers can really be trusted to handle Republican ballots, but the real problem is that if we don't spend billions of additional dollars making sure that every illegal, deceased, or imaginary voter in America has enough ballots to cast in multiple states, then this next election will be stolen from Democrats just as it was ripped from the hands of "Governor" Abrams in Georgia.  

So, again, thank goodness Jeb!, Ben!, and Chris! are all over these nefarious conspiracy theories before they upend whatever still loosely binds this nation together, or worse, leads to city-wide destruction and insurrectionist rebellion the likes of which living Americans have never seen.  

What's that?  None of those dangerous conspiracy theories is what they have in mind, you say? 

Oh, right, of course not.  The fearless NeverTrump brigade had a smorgasbord of mass conspiracies against the American people from which to choose — the Russia hoax, the Ukraine hoax, the weaponization of a virus into an economy-killing election-year attack against America, BLM and Antifa Marxist violence across the U.S. in the name of "justice," and now the great U.S. mail vote heist — and they settled on that one consonant in the English alphabet wedged somewhere between "pusillanimous" and "rat" that drives leftist media mavens and their Republican sympathizers crazy.  

Stompy-foot Ben! even says Republicans in the Senate may lose their majority because the president doesn't take the time to respond to the Democrat press corps's attempts to bait him by calling his voters "nutjobs" and "idiots" as he and Jeb! do.  It will have nothing to do with the fact that certain Republican members of the Senate have spent four years providing political cover for an Obama-Brennan-Comey espionage operation and coup against a legitimately elected president, while constantly fanning the flames of conspiracy, themselves, by hammering the president as an imaginary Russian spy, an imaginary dictator, an imaginary racist and sexist, an imaginary culprit in Joe and Hunter Biden's Ukraine bribery scandal, and so much more.  If certain Republicans in the Senate are worried about losing their majority, perhaps they shouldn't have been helping to sabotage a Republican presidency simply because it didn't get the coveted Will-Kristol-Schmidt endorsement in bland mediocrity.  

At some point, you have to laugh at the gall of these people.  

If anybody has put the Republican Senate at risk this year, it's not the president of the United States, who has managed to turn the other cheek and endorse the elections and re-elections of that small number of myopic Republicans who openly despise him.  Rather, it's the group of Kasich-McCain holdovers who are too daft to know or too socialist to care that they've joined sides with the Bernie Sanders revolutionaries attempting to overthrow America by staying mum while a corrupt Democratic Party and an even more corrupt press corps throw one insane conspiracy theory after the next at the Deep State–slayer in the White House.  

Ben! and Jeb! and Chris!, like Mitt! and Jeff Flake and Michael Steele, have never heard a conspiracy theory against President Trump that seemed too preposterous for them to believe or an allegation against the White House that didn't require them to fly around D.C. squeaking like a bunch of tufted titmice eager to condemn whatever new Trump activity CNN declares a scandal worthy of collective RINO hyperventilation and immediate fainting. 

Please, please loosen the corsets suffocating these poor gentlemen dreaming of a world where Reagan and Trump never happened and in which establishment Republicans can trip all over themselves for the chance to be first to surrender to Democrats while statues of George Washington and Thomas Jefferson are replaced with those of Oscar López Rivera and Bill Ayers.

Before the masters of the universe in D.C. decide to strike the letter "Q" from our language permanently, perhaps they would do well to look into the mirror at the conspiracy-rambling loons they've become for at least the last four years.  Here in the hinterlands, we've watched the political class frothing at the mouth over Russians hiding behind every bush, race hoaxes materializing faster than Jussie Smollett can tie his own noose, politics prancing around as psychiatry, political vengeance disguised as criminal justice, Biden Ukraine scandals turned into impeachments, a Chinese virus turned into an excuse for mass incarceration and bureaucratic bullying, and any number of officer-involved shootings shamelessly exploited to justify mass destruction and violence across America.  

Ever since President Trump's election, Americans have been bombarded with insane, evidence-free conspiracy theories pushed by the same pimps and pros in D.C. who have today decided that this "Q" business is just plain kooky.  Or maybe they simply realized that BLM and Antifa domestic terrorism has become such a problem for Democrats' election chances that they needed to change the national conversation in a hurry.  Or is that too far out there for Jeb! and Ben! and Chris! to understand?

Hat tip to DeborahSQ.

Image: Gage Skidmore via Flickr.

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