Defund the Police? That Would Mean...

So, now the Soros-backed lefties are all agreed to “defund the police.” Do you lefties really understand what that means?

It means, to coin a phrase,

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Oh No! Not that!

You see, lefties, back in the day, the day of chimpanzees, the females were all engaged upon the birthing and the rearing of the young, and the males… The males were all patrolling the border of the troop territory. This was not just a lust for battle with the males of the neighboring troops, but the simple evolutionary fact, scientists agree, that the survival of a chimp troop depends on the food and fruits within its territory available for the feeding of mothers and of the young.

Did you also know, lefties, that female chimps are peculiarly receptive, in the swiving line, to male chimps that offer them meat?

Fast forward to the agricultural age where most human males were enslaved -- or merely enserfed -- into agriculture, leaving border patrol to a few “marcher lords” and their followers. Marcher lord? Oh dear, didn’t your wokey teacher tell you about them? Think Harry Percy, in Henry IV Part One. Harry, when not played by a woman with a fat butt in close-fitting camo, is the fierce son of the Duke of Northumberland, defending the border between England and the fiery Scots. Someone had to defend the border because otherwise the fiery Scots would sweep down and grab the grain and kill all the men serfs.

Fast forward to London in the 19th century. Robert Peel was twice Home Secretary. He founded the Metropolitan Police, to keep the gang and criminal activity in Dickens’ London down to a dull roar. You’ll remember, you educated wokies, all about Oliver Twist and Bill Sikes and Fagin and the Artful Dodger and the kidz. If you can’t read there’s the excellent BBC Dickensian series. It features the detective Inspector Bucket from Bleak House.

The point of the Metropolitan Police and our current municipal police departments is to remove the need -- and the temptation -- for male city dwellers to keep the peace themselves. You will have noticed, wokies, that already, in the wake of the recent “mostly peaceful protests” that there are reports of “vigilantes” with bats patrolling the streets in the nation’s cities that are upsetting the woke female mayor of Chicago.

Another thing you might think of, wokies, is that if the police aren’t cracking heads in a shocking display of police brutality then the various gangs of helpless-victim minorities will be delighted to take up the slack.

I am sure that all you educated wokies are familiar with the North African St. Augustine, who wrote 1,600 years ago that the only difference between a criminal gang and a government was the “addition of impunity.”

Do you understand, wokies? If you don’t have police departments then you are going to have “vigilantes.” Vigilantism vs. Law Officers was, if I recall, one of the themes of the TV western, back in the day.

In fact, I would suggest to you educated geniuses that you already have a permanent reminder about the danger of “vigilantes.” The National Rifle Association and its members are devoted to the idea that one day, maybe -- if only! -- law and order will break down and all real men will be called upon to keep the peace. For that, the NRA gun-nuts believe, they will need guns. Assault rifles even.

Of course, all level-headed people have known for decades that this fetish about guns and the Second Amendment is a conspiracy theory, the fantasy of deplorable racist sexist homophobe white supremacist white men gun-nuts.

But, if you wokies decide that it is time to “defund the police” why then those contemptible gun-nuts will reckon that they have been right all along, and that they will never, ever, not before hell freezes over, give up their guns. Cold dead hands, and so forth.

Let me rehearse this again. Think of the NRA and the gun-nut culture this way. They are harmless deplorables, scarcely worth your notice and your contempt -- in normal times. They are, you might say, harmlessly rehearsing their Jungian archetypes and collective unconscious that, going back to chimp times, instinctively drive a male ape to defend his troop’s territory against the vicious males next door. Perfectly harmless. Unless you Rosalinds decide that the police departments in your blue cities are not to be endured! Then, of course, you automatically reactivate the dormant instinct in every male ape as defender-of-the-border. And off the males march, armed and dangerous, towards the sound of the guns.

Because you wokies are all intelligent and educated and woke, I am sure that you would never do such a foolish thing.

Christopher Chantrill @chrischantrill runs the go-to site on US government finances, Also get his American Manifesto and his Road to the Middle Class.