Hillary is Lurking

Hillary Clinton, the Ma Barker of American politics, is still out hustling, still staying one step ahead of the law as she tries to weasel her way into the presidential sweepstakes. She says she isn’t running in 2020, but, as we know too well, truth is a fungible commodity to a Clinton.

The signs don’t look good. She just announced a fundraiser for the DNC at her Washington D.C. mansion with tickets as high as $50,000 (scraps for the homeless in the dumpster out back). 

A couple of weekends ago she was at de Rothschild’s estate on Martha’s Vineyard -- go socialism! -- to celebrate Bill’s birthday, which included “quite an A-list cast of characters, including many Democratic party stalwarts.”

Recently she and Chelsea announced they were publishing a book in October about “gutsy women,” no doubt the tale of some courageous women in Arkansas who stood up to privilege and power even before the #MeToo movement. At least that’s my guess. 

In any case, the subject is irrelevant. It’s the timing that matters. A book tour in the middle of the primary race? Just a not-so-subtle reminder from Madam Secretary: The air in the room belongs to me, bitches.

Hearing Hillary announce a third presidential bid would be like hearing your dentist say he has to go ahead with that third root canal, and he just ran out of Novocaine. 

No sane person wants her in the race, which doesn’t stop her from getting the party’s full support, of course. However, a former aide said she would “ankle dive at the door” to stop her from running (a possible fatal act of heroism, depending on how things fall).

Unfortunately, there’s the doddering campaign of Grandpa Joe, who right now is probably regaling some small crowd in New Vermont about his exploits at Gettysburg. Joe is seen by many as the centrist in the race, the voice of reason (senility now being considered a reasonable position by Democrats). 

But Joe’s just one gaffe and/or false memory away from imploding, and the establishment will need a replacement. That pretty much only leaves Hillary. She’s a perfect substitute: old, white, rich, privileged as hell, and corrupt to the gills. She’s just like Joe with only half the dementia. 

In 2016 Hillary bullied and cheated her way to the top of the ticket, saving Democrats from Bernie and his unentitled upstarts. Time for rescue 2.0.

For that she needs to appear to be a moderate. Nut-jobs on her left; no one on her right. It’s me or the loons, folks. 

According to NY Post columnist Michael Goodwin, who’s “convinced” Clinton wants a third go-round, Hillary is trying to be “mother hen to the fledgling activists drawn to politics by their hatred of Trump.” Thus she regurgitates anti-Trump bile pretty much nonstop. No chance she’ll run out. She’s full of it. 

At least one major roadblock has been cleared: Bill’s deviancy enabler Jeffrey Epstein. You can bet our justice officials are destroying any evidence of Clinton involvement as we speak. Hand me that hammer and more BleachBit!

So far no one has reported seeing Hillary actually carrying extra-strength bedsheets into the jail, but it wouldn’t matter if they did. She could have strangled Epstein in front of the Supreme Court and walked away free and clear (until she got to the steps, where the adventure begins).  

Hillary’s noncampaigning found her at the Southern Christian Leadership Conference recently to pick up the “Realizing The Dream” award for showing up. All official presidential candidates declined.

She began by telling the reportedly less-than-full crowd -- they could have been in the bathroom -- that it “just made my heart swell that you’re still at it, that you have not folded up your tent and disappeared.” 

Nothing so comforting to black folks than hearing a rich privileged white lady acknowledge their continued existence. Thank you black people for sticking around to help us with this race thing.

Then she went full libtard: “There is no doubt that the struggles we face right now at this point in our history are as consequential as those that were faced back in the late 1950s when Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. took the helm of this storied organization.”

Combining condescension and racism is something Democrats have been doing dexterously since their days in the deep South, even when burdened by cumbersome hoods.   

One commentator said Hillary then started channeling the ghost of black preachers, no doubt MLK, as she’s done before in black churches, uttering a sound that disturbs even the dead. Confirming that would require actually listening to her speech, and I’m too old to risk that kind of brain trauma.

As for running in 2020, she appeared to be wavering in January but then in March, when no knock came upon the door, she announced she wasn’t. There are more months, though, many more months. Long months.