The World's Most Important Funeral: Google's Answer to Trump
Forget the lamentations for John McCain. Ditto the wailing for Aretha Franklin. This week, we just learned about the biggest and most significant funeral dirge in the history of the world: the private and confidential gathering of tens of thousands of Google employees to mourn the election of Donald Trump.
And their plans to make sure nothing like that ever happens again.
All led by the people who run Google – i.e., the world.
Thanks to Breitbart.com, who brought this 45-minute dirge of constant sorrow to our attention, we now know there was not a dry eye in the house.
You have to see it to believe it. It is easy to find at Breitbart.
The main theme of this TGIF gathering just a few days after the election of Trump was how Google was going to stop the end of the world (as we know it) because of the worst possible thing that just happened in the history of the world: the election of Donald Trump.
The explanations for this catastrophe came as fast and furious as the lamentations that they would not be able to smoke enough pot to make it more bearable. That comment came several times from the head of Google – if, by chance, you are one of those squares who still thinks Google is run by one or two people, and not morally superior angels in an endless round of hugs and self-congratulatory meetings.
For almost an hour, we heard about low-information voters, who are angry because they are bored, which in turn makes them fascists, which in turn made them vote for Trump (and, of course, for Brexit).
We learned how Google failed these poor ignorant fools by not funneling better information to them. To us.
Ditto for Brexit: how did we let that happen? Don't people know that one of Google's most cherished values – an oft heard term – involves unlimited immigration around the world, and darn those people who just cannot understand that?
The whole session was reminiscent of some early promos for Rachel Maddow that were eerily similar to early stories about the Obama White House: lots of geeks sprawled on the floor eating lots of pizza, lots of magic markers, lots of college sociology textbooks, and lots of people absolutely convinced of their mission in life: educate the rest of us who are just not that bright. And thus save the world.
Even more important than this geek funeral rite were the questions it raised once the tears dried up and the scorn began.
Why did it take almost two years to learn about this video conference? Are there no info-babes patrolling the hallways of Google, offering a variety of enticements to get at least one of the tens of thousands of Googlers to turn over the tape?
We recently learned that this is how they roll at the New York Times: whenever some editor gets a hankering for some national security secrets, he just assigns some comely young reporter from the pool, and in the finest traditions of Mata Hari, national secrets flow when the pillow talk begins.
Even without the tradeoffs, there was not one reporter in the world who knows one of the tens of thousands of Googlers well enough to get a copy of this now infamous video?
Not one? Even by accident?
In the aftermath of the great Google sorrow-fest, we do know a few things: Google and YouTube simply cannot pretend they are not doing everything they can to stifle conservative speech – even altering their algorithms to control the flow of information to promote their worldview.
They did not just confess it; they bragged about it, several times.
And when one of the Googler hotshots reminded the tens of thousands of viewers that we cannot forget the conservative point of view, that was the only applause line met with silence – in between the sobbing, that is, and the rolling eyes.
From the Google executives in the sweat-stained shirts to the grunts in beanie caps, everyone in the auditorium for the live presentation was a proud and unapologetic social justice warrior. But there was one curious omission: there were no black people there.
None to ask or answer any questions.
Curious, since Google spends tens of millions of dollars every year to produce videos, support movements, and algorithm changes, all with the same goal in mind: to show how much every white person in America sucks, except for them. And how all black people are victims of white racism.
All this is tip-of-the-iceberg stuff. This video will change your life by exposing the single greatest gaslighting operation in world history: the hoax that Google and its cronies are honest brokers. You have to watch it.
Oh, yeah: Google and Facebook and Twitter and other members of the Silicon Valley hive mind don't have much use for the fellas – at least not enough to hire them. Take your pick: one, two, three percent of the people at Google, etc. are black.
And now this week we learn that the Google hive mind is helping the communist Chinese do a much better job of keeping their boots on the throats of one of their biggest clients.
Hell, even John McCain never did that.
Colin Flaherty is not just the author of that scintillating bestseller, Don't Make the Black Kids Angry. He is also Google-certified in a variety of Google skills, including Search, Adwords, and a few others he cannot remember right now. He also cannot remember how many times he has been kicked off YouTube for documenting black-on-white racial violence, but it is a lot.