Hillary Clinton Never, Ever Leaves

In the movie What About Bob, a needy psychiatric patient, Bob Wiley, stalks his psychiatrist, Dr. Leo Marvin.  Bob follows Dr. Marvin on his vacation, invades Dr. Marvin's family, shows up at dinner, spends the night, even co-opts the doctor's television interview.  Everywhere Dr. Marvin turns, Bob's there.  No hints, insults, or humiliation can loosen Bob's death grip on the doctor. 

Dr. Marvin finally loses it and throws Bob out, tells him to never come back.  He slams the door on Bob and then turns to his despondent family.  They're sad that Bob is gone.

Dr. Leo Marvin: You think he's gone?  He's not gone.  That's the whole point!  He's never gone!  [Leo opens the door, and there's Bob.] 

Hillary Clinton is our Bob Wiley.  She stalks the American people, inserts herself in our lives at every turn.  Bill Clinton tried to give us a heads-up when he campaigned, saying that by electing him, the people would get two for the price of one.   Americans ignored the warning, elected Bill, and opened the door to Hillary. 

Fresh off his swearing in, President Clinton announced that his wife would be his Bobby Kennedy and gave her the National Task Force on Health Care Reform.  Hillary immediately went to ground, her task force cloaked in secrecy until she was sued in federal court and ordered to open the fact-finding meetings.

Hillarycare went down in flames in part because of her secret meetings.  So Hillary stepped back, served out her sentence as first lady, and then went to work on her own presidential bid.  First up, a Senate seat – great launching pad.  She picked New York because you can't be too liberal for the Big Apple.  Mao Tse-tung is not too liberal for the Big Apple. 

But even in New York, Hillary couldn't win a race in her own right.  She was hit with what I like to call the "Lazio effect."  This phenomenon occurs whenever there's a choice between Hillary Clinton and someone else, anyone else, even a Republican, Rick Lazio, in New York, for goodness's sake.  After the first debate, Lazio led in the polls, and post-debate conventional wisdom was that Lazio won.

But, again like Bob, Hillary can't or won't take a hint.  Her team picked up an angle from debate tapes when Lazio crossed the stage to hand Hillary a campaign finance pledge.  Lazio, much taller than Clinton, towered over her, could be seen as invading her space.  The Clinton team and their media hammered the message home: Lazio's a sexist bully, a "creep" who "menaced" Clinton.  Her dirty politics prevailed, and she won the Senate seat.

Fast-forward to the 2008 presidential election.  Hillary now had senator on her résumé, had an overflowing war chest, knew all the right people (has dossiers on most of them), and was in position to be the first female president.  It's a lock.

She was looking good in the primaries, ahead in the polls, but then, wham!  Hillary was again broadsided by the Lazio effect – an alternative, a Hillary escape clause. 

Senator Barack Obama started closing in and then took the lead.  Black trumps woman any day of the week, so the super-delegates switched, and Hillary found herself staring up at bus axles.

Obama got the White House, and Hillary got a consolation prize: secretary of state (SOS).  This SOS gig gave Hillary the gravitas to cinch her promised presidential win in 2016. 

But then Hillary screwed up the SOS gig, arrogantly dismissed pleas from the Benghazi embassy for increased security – hell, for any security.  Then, on September 11, 2012, she left those at the embassy for dead.     

Hillary was not about to let the incident tarnish her political career.  She blew off Benghazi – time to move on.  Or, as she so brilliantly phrased it in the congressional hearing, "What difference at this point does it make?"

Finally, it was 2016, and Hillary was ready to collect.  She kicked off her presidential campaign with a flurry of excitement.  This was her hour, her time, and this time, no one was going to stop her. 

Bam!  The Lazio effect struck yet again.  Hillary's rightful claim to the throne was challenged by a 70-year-old communist, Bernie Sanders, who preaches what he doesn't practice but offered enough free stuff to the snowflakes to garner an increasing number of votes.  Oh, and he's not Hillary. 

An unintended consequence of Bernie's popularity was that his rise highlighted the Democrats' "super-delegate" fix: the fact that the election was rigged for Hillary before the first vote was cast.  And Donald Trump was out there, telling the world that poor Bernie can't win because the election's rigged.

Then, right before the Democrat convention, WikiLeaks published the bombshell that the primaries really were rigged against Bernie.  Of course, that didn't change the winners and losers.  The DNC shuffled personnel and shut out those who objected to the phony election, and Hillary made history as the first female presidential nominee of a major party.  

Meanwhile, the media were busier than a cat covering crap on a hot tin roof trying to bury Hillary's emerging scandals: an unsecured server used for classified information, obstruction of justice and destruction of evidence with 33,000 deleted, bleached emails, hammered iPhones, other "lost" government phones and devices. 

But Hillary's got friends in high places.  FBI director Comey came forward to shut down the criminal stuff with a blanket acquittal of all charges. 

The press continued to manage Hillary's campaign, didn't report the crime stuff, addressed health issues only once the controversy was viral on Twitter, and were pretty much able to keep a lid on the damaging stuff.  Plus they were gaslighting the hell out of their viewers: "Hillary can't lose," "Polls show a Clinton landslide," "Trump's going to suffer the biggest electoral defeat in political history."

With that kind of support, what could go wrong?

Kaboom!  You guessed it: the Lazio effect.  Unfortunately for Hillary, there were two candidates from major parties in the running, and that second option is always a death knell for Hill's hopes.

Voters weren't scared off by the phony polls.  They showed up in record-breaking numbers, stood in line for hours, and crawled over crushed glass to vote.  And as the media openly wept, railed against white people, and begged someone to wake them from this nightmare, the votes were counted, and it was President Trump.  

At long last, Hillary was gone.  She slinked off into the woods, and people breathed a sigh of relief.  Surely, she won't dare show her face in public again.  The humiliation's too great, the loss too painful. 

But Hillary's not capable of shame or embarrassment.  No, she sprang back onto the scene with a new book, What Happened.  Then she was back on TV to promote her book, to comment on every national tragedy, paint Puerto Rico as Trump's Katrina, help Democrats push gun control after the Las Vegas massacre, sanction the NFL protest to our anthem.    

And now she's inserting herself in our ally's politics as well.  As Nigel Farage tweeted, "Hillary Clinton is part of the global elite that want to overturn Brexit. We will resist."

Yep, it's back to the drawing board for Hillary.  Brexit was the first evidence that people can still have a voice in their government.  So Hillary's working to undo Britain's decision, to override the British people's will and take back globalist control. 

Oh, you thought Hillary was out of the picture, that when she was defeated, humiliated in an electoral landslide, she'd be too disgraced to show her face in public?  Ha!

You think she's gone?  She's not gone.  That's the whole point!  She's never gone!  [We turn on the TV, and there's Hillary.]