An Ode to Hillie Joe

Poor Hillary!  She had a plan:

Leave the White House and become the junior senator from New York, and then jump from there back into the White House...but this time as the star, with Bill doing the dishes and her doing the interns. 

Barack Obama got in the way.  But those Clintons, you can't hold them down.

Remember Bill?  That whole intern thing would be funny, except for the fact that it ruined that poor girl's life.  In fact, Clinton, Inc. put a great deal of effort into destroying her. 

You have to give Ms. Lewinsky credit, however – she held her head high throughout the entire ordeal and every day since.  It could not have been easy; in the end, only she paid a price.  But that's what happens when you run with the Clintons: they get new Air Jordans, and you get athlete's foot.

With Bill, it's been a lifetime binge of rape, pillage, and plunder, all on the public's dime.  What he will pay for the choices he has made as a human being will be decided at the pearly gates, and his presidential legacy defined by historians long after he has shuffled off this mortal coil. 

For now, he lives like a king, with poor Hillie Joe his somewhat grubby queen, but people love them.  They used to say Reagan was made of Teflon because nothing stuck to him.  In reality, the true Teflon president has always been Bill.  Those of us too new and shiny, or too unaware to remember any of the Clinton presidency, will get the opportunity to watch Hillary strive for the same deference – the "Whatever I did, wrong or illegal, it's no big deal" treatment.

Wasn’t that her attitude at her press conference?  And having the Turkish News pose the first question, implying that this would not have been as big a deal if she were a man, was brilliant.  It got the "Vagina Defense" out there without her people having to bring it up.  It’s called "pimping the question"; Lois Lerner would have been proud.  It also shows that nothing is beneath Hill and Bill.

After all, what difference, at this point, does it make?

And, like her husband before her, it could all have been avoided.  If Bill had just said from the beginning, "Hey, I like pretty girls," America would have forgiven him – even the Republicans, because they like pretty girls, too.  The world would have been spared the tawdry spectacle of a futile impeachment endeavor and a sitting president committing perjury.

What was Hillary thinking?  She had to know that people would recognize an e-mail address that didn't end in .gov as not being official.  No, she expected that people would recognize that whatever the rules were, they didn't apply to her.  Because, you know, she's a Clinton. 

The only reason to have a server in your basement and your own internet domain is to control what can and cannot be seen by the public.  She recently released 55,000 pages of e-mails, but only after her best team of men scoured her server and deleted anything that might be embarrassing, or perhaps even criminal. 

That's not 55,000 e-mails, by the way; that's 55,000 pages.  Try printing an e-mail from a lawyer.  With all the disclosure drivel at the bottom, some e-mails can be many pages – even the ones that only ask, "Hey, how's it going?"  Yet Hillary's crack team of obfuscators use the number of pages as a descriptor, because it looks better than saying they released 100 e-mails.  I wonder how many pages the 32,000 e-mails that were deleted would have amounted to if printed.  We'll never know – they were deleted.

Pop quiz: name anything Hillary did in her four years as secretary of state.  For extra credit, name anything – I mean anything – this woman has done or accomplished since she came on the scene as Bill's first lady.

Oh, Hillary!  She flew a million miles, accomplishing nothing more than setting up a private e-mail account and maybe directing funds to her non-profit, the Bill, Hillary & Chelsea Foundation

Ah...the Clintons' foundation/charity, or non-profit, if you prefer, is fronted by the HilBilChel triumvirate, and it's said they do a lot of work in Haiti. there's a place.  The Clintons have been fixing that country for decades, yet it still looks the same.  They have diligently devoted time and money to improving the lot of people who live in what is one of the poorest countries on Earth.  

And those poor Haitians have been rewarded by having the opportunity to live in one of the poorest countries on Earth.  Like Hillary, some things never change.

Again, poor Hillary – a million miles traveled as secretary of state, and a non-profit with 250 million dollars in the bank, and not a blessed thing has changed.  Except, having left the White House in January of 2001 (apparently with the furniture, spoons, and plates secreted away), "dead broke," with God as her witness, Hillary would never go hungry again.  She now gets hundreds of thousands of dollars for 45-minute speeches, and I would be willing to bet each new one is almost that same as the last.

When I was a younger man in the 1980s, a non-profit was a license to steal.  Guys I knew of in Brooklyn used to advertise for junk car donations to help the blind.  They would then sell the cars for quick cash and, as CEO, hire their wives, children, and any other family members and pay them as much money as sales of donated cars could support.  As long as they had a dollar left at the end of the year to donate to the blind, they were a non-profit.

Now, I'm not saying that Bill and Hillary would ever do something like that (nah...not them), but scale the hell out of it, dress it up, put a little lipstick on it, and the business model still works.

Poor Hillary!  We all know how she grew up: a strong woman with twelve siblings in a one-room shack, having to share the outhouse with those filthy Republicans.  She struggled through adversity, and when true love called, she was there ready to marry Bill and take on the challenge of making the world a better place...and, of course, make a ton of money in the process.

Her hero, however, is not her husband.  It is Barack Obama.  Her husband is a big man with big ideas, who did best when he caved and adopted the Republican platform while shutting his mouth.  But Barry was right – Bill wasn't transformational.

No, she admires Barry, who is a small man standing athwart history screaming, Go ahead!  We deserve it anyway.  Whatever Barry's done, she will do better, and when the both of them are finished with our precious republic, it will no longer be precious or a republic.  There will be flames and ashes, because even though the Iranians have been threatening to kill us since 1979, we did not believe them.  Or rather, Barry and Hillary didn't believe them.

Yet you have to admire Barry. 

Bill Clinton is the type of guy who hits on your underage daughter at a party and then has his friends forestall the beating while he makes his getaway, inevitably on his way out the door picking up the plump girl with a heart of gold, who believes all his lines.

Now Barry...he's the kind who sleeps with your wife (or husband, not that there's anything wrong with that); steals your business, while destroying every other aspect of your life; and then says nice things about you at your funeral, while releasing a picture of himself with your family to show how broke up he is about your death.

The saddest statement you can make about America today is that so many people take these clowns seriously. 

For my money, I wouldn't care if they all jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge.  For Hillary, it might be a good career move.  And as I said, what difference, at this point, does it make?