The Seven Sacraments of Liberalism

The English word “sacrament” has its roots in Latin and Greek. At one time the word meant, “a solemn and sacred oath.”

Roman Catholics believe that there are seven sacraments which Christ instituted. These sacraments are visible rituals that are signs of God's presence. They are believed to channel God's grace to all those who receive them.

The traditional seven sacraments are usually listed in the order in which they follow a human life from birth to natural death. They are: Baptism, Confirmation, Holy Communion, Confession, Marriage, Holy Orders, and Anointing the Sick.

Over and against these traditional sacraments are the beliefs of many present-day liberals. Liberalism shows itself to the world with all the required beliefs of a traditional religion, albeit a pseudo-religion.

Although liberalism has not yet developed a systematic theology, oops, a systematic “matterology,” we can identify some elements of the liberal sacramental system, starting with the origin of the universe from nothing, via a Big Bang, to everything.

After that, it’s a great leap to the French Revolution, Karl Marx, and then onward to the Democratic Party of the United States. It’s best to keep the history of everything simple and not get caught up in an argument over evolution.

Liberal teaching from kindergarten to the university holds that there are seven “sacraments” which the government institutes for everyone’s welfare. These sacraments, or required beliefs and behaviors, are signs that a citizen of the world will advance the cause of liberty, equality, and fraternity for all. The liberal sacraments are:

Abortion: Abortion is a welcoming of a newborn into the community of death by liberalism. Besides that, abortion frees women to be what they were unfortunately not born to be: men.

Multiculturalism: Because all human beings are the same, cultural differences are no longer important, nor are the moral issues associated with different cultures open to judgment. Vegetarianism or cannibalism, what’s the difference? If it tastes good, go for it. And when an Aztec cannibal asks you over for dinner, be politically correct, and bring some jalapeño peppers.

Organic Food and Vegetarianism: The dietary restrictions imposed upon the followers of liberalism signify the rise of a new gnosticism. Liberals feel guilty because of their human status. They desire to flee the filth of the world. “Why did I burn those backyard leaves and cause climate change? How can I have a barbecue with tofu? Obama, help me, please.” Liberals want to be purified and free from their guilt, especially the guilt associated with eating meat. The goal for some liberals, like medieval ascetics, is to live off only cabbages that have been certified to have died a natural death.

Political Correctness: A new way of life requires not only a pure diet but also a purity of language. Nothing that is spoken should offend anyone. It is best to be silent because silence cannot be offensive. Except for the heretics at Fox News, members of the media and the Hollywood elite will be ordained to confirm the indisputable truth of the liberal worldview. The censorship of political correctness will become the silent prayer of liberalism.

Same-sex Marriage: Liberals want same-sex marriage because traditional marriage is oppressive to women. Besides, gender makes no difference anymore. The new gnosticism teachers that women are, through no fault of their own, victims. Women are men who have been born unfortunately disfigured. So, liberals must make up for that. One way to do that is to allow anyone to marry whomever they choose, since we are all men, anyway.

Climate Change: Liberals believe the world would be better off if there were no human beings in it (see abortion, above). Until then, we must realize that white males, the real source of evil in the world, are raping everything by driving SUVs. Heartless white men think nothing of polluting the atmosphere with carbon dioxide. The climate change they cause by driving SUVs will drown New York and San Francisco, home to many elite liberals. Consider the poor polar bears, for crying out loud. The bears are drowning because there are no icebergs on which they can rest. There’s climate change cruelty for you in a soybean shell!

Physician-Assisted Suicide: If you were not fortunate enough to be aborted, then later on you may take advantage of physician-assisted suicide. You will make room for others by not consuming scarce resources. Someday, you may even be recycled into a plastic bag used to pick up dog poop in the park. Oops, again; not a plastic bag, but a reusable, organic-food grocery bag.


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