Is Paul Ryan Hawt?

Paul's Hot!  Joe's Not.

I have to admit that I'm not "with it" anymore.  I can't dubstep.  That would probably kill me.  I'm a rock 'n' roller.  That's my music and my era.  And that's my excuse for completely missing out on the "Paul Ryan is hot" mania that is sweeping the country.  It started as soon as Romney announced Paul Ryan as his running mate this summer.  Women know all about it.  They started it.  They're keeping it going.  So there must be something to it.

Did you know there's a dance called the Paul Ryan?  Yep.  Here's the music vid.  It's a hot rocking dance tune with a catchy beat, a sizzling female lead singer, sexy dancing girls, and a radically cool band pounding out the music.

You can go to the website and cast your vote for who's hot and who's not.  Paul's Hot!  Joe's Not.  Cast your vote here.  OK, I admit it.  I voted.  Guess whom for.  The video says it is "Brought to you by people who are not politicians."  That's why it resonates.  Those are the people who will save the USA -- not politicians.

The "Do the Paul Ryan" music video had me bouncing in my chair, so I decided to look more closely at the lyrics to discover if there were any profound political messages Ryan's female supporters may have embedded in the song for us.  Here's the first verse:

"Do the Paul Ryan"

I wasn't interested in politics much
But the changes keep a comin'
And I was out of touch
But I'm hopin' for a change
And feelin' kinda steamy
Never had a Veep who's been so dreaaammyyy.
Uh oh, oh oh Paul Ryan
(chorus) He's hot!
Oooo Baby you ain't a lyin'
(chorus) Rockin' hot!
Inside I think I'm dyin'
Uh oh, oh oh Paul Ryyyaaaannn!

That tells the story about where the women are coming from.  I had to play the video about ten times to get the lyrics.  I had to crank it up pretty loud, too, to pick out the words amid the rock-and-roll beat, racing car engines, and singing girls jumping up and down.  That brought my teenage daughter into my office.

"My ears are bleeding! What are you playing?"

"New music video on YouTube.  Do you think Paul Ryan is hot?"

She looks at the computer.  "Isn't he the Olympic swimming guy?"

"He's our vice presidential candidate."

"Really?  Well...not my type."  She looks closer.  "He is kinda cute.  Yeah, Dad.  He's really hawt!"

There you have it.  She's not old enough to vote, but I know where her estrogen is headed.

JFK Hair

This amazes me.  But I'm glad about it.  Romney's got good hair.  He's handsome for sure.  Now I'm being told that Ryan, who I always thought looked like a CPA, is hawt (which I'm given to understand is much better than hot).  I always admired him for his good sense, compassion for others, and brilliance in understanding our budget problems and formulating workable plans to solve them.  Ryan's selection as VP impressed me more than anything else Romney has done.

But this whole "Ryan is hot" thing is news to me, and a little strange, too.  You think I'm making it up?  This is even harder to believe -- the entire liberal agitprop news media wholeheartedly agrees: Ryan is hawt.

Politico said, "Forget the budget: Paul Ryan is hot!"

Salon said, "The entire Internet is losing its collective mind over a shirtless pic of vice presidential candidate, and fitness freak, Paul Ryan."

TMZ said, "Paul Ryan - He's hiding a 6 pack!!!" and "Rep. Paul Ryan may be the hottest Vice Presidential candidate ever ... but we're not talking policy."

House sources tell TMZ that Ryan works out at the House gym every morning at 6:00 AM, and his routine is "fierce."  We're told he's kinda on the skinny side but "totally ripped and has a six pack."

TMZ was first to reveal the Paul Ryan shirtless photo that was an internet craze. 

ABC news said:

Both Twitter and Tumblr lit up with photos of the Republican budget maker, overlaid with quirky economy-related tag lines, as the "Hey Girl, It's Paul Ryan" meme was born.

The Atlantic Wire ran a column entitled, "Is Paul Ryan Ushering in 'The Year of the Manslut'?"

Policymic says, "'Come hither' looks seem to come naturally to him."

The Hawt Vote

Females across the nation say, "Wow!"  And that translates into an awful lot of votes.  Between Obama revealing himself as an empty chair and Biden being...well, Biden, we have a pretty good chance of pulling this election off -- despite what the media spinners and pollsters say.  We just need to let the public see our soon-to-be President Romney and Vice President Ryan as they are: competent, experienced adults.  Perhaps we could show the public a little more.

Ryan flexing his pecs on nationwide television?  Worth two whole points.  Maybe three.  We could take Pennsylvania.  Somebody get his shirt off for fifteen minutes in front of the right camera, and we've got this election sewn up.  This Thursday night, do you know where your wife or girlfriend is going to be?  Sitting right in front of the TV watching the Ryan/Biden debate.  You'll see.  She'll be smiling, too.

J.T. Hatter is the author of Lost in Zombieland: The Rise of President Zero, a political satire on the Obama administration.  J.T. can be reached at

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