Pope Albert Issues a Bull

President Lincoln famously told some overeager Evangelical pastors that he could not issue an Emancipation Proclamation in 1861.  It would be premature and it would very possibly set back the cause of Union and Liberty.  "It would be like the Pope's Bull against the comet," Lincoln said.  No anti-Catholic, Lincoln was simply stating a matter of fact.  When a medieval pope had tried to condemn a comet, it had had no effect.

I was reminded on Lincoln's comment about an ineffectual pope's bull when I read the latest bull from Pope Albert Gore.  He has proclaimed that anyone who does not say amen to all his globaloney is practicing the new "racism."  Racism in the Church of Gore is the worst of all sins, you see.  And Pope Albert is empowered to brand you with a scarlet "R" if you show any signs of doubt about his global warming Gospel.

I am not a "climate sceptic," the kind of folk Gore so roundly condemns.  That's only because, Yankee-est of Yankees that I am, I am only a climate skeptic.  I have even gone so far as to attend a lecture by S. Fred Singer in Washington, D.C.  Dr. Singer is a former NASA scientist who uses satellite data to reach his conclusions about the earth and global warming.  His book, Unstoppable Global Warming: Every 1500 Years, is dedicated to thousands of research scientists who have confirmed the cyclic nature of global warming.

They have gone to the ends of the earth -- often in harsh conditions, climbing tall mountains and huge glaciers, sailing frigid seas ... digging in remote sites for pollen and human artifacts -- to help us understand our planet's climate changes.

Sounds like monks in the medieval period.  They deny themselves for the sake of truth.

But Pope Albert has pronounced a Bull of Excommunication on them all.  They are worse than deniers; they are racists.

Now, I'm no scientist.  I couldn't even play one on TV.  I'm just a humble historian.  My dad was not a U.S. senator, as Pope Albert's dad was.  My dad sailed to 47 countries in the merchant marine, always reading, always learning.  My dad would have made a fine U.S. senator.

If my dad had been a U.S. senator, however, I am sure he would not have voted against the great Civil Rights Act of 1964.  And if my dad ever did vote against the Civil Rights Act, as Sen. Albert Gore, Sr. did, I'm sure I would be humbled enough never to call anyone else a racist.

But when you are Pope Albert, you don't have to worry about humility.  You can issue bulls left and right.  Anyone who disagrees with Pope Albert is a skeptic, a denier (as in Holocaust-denier), or even worse, a racist.  Only if you're the son of a prominent and powerful racist do you get to throw about bulls like that.

When I listened to Dr. Fred Singer speak, he never cussed anyone.  He never impugned their motives.  He certainly never called them racist, denier, or anything like that.  Soft-spoken and given to reason, he never raised his voice or eyebrow.

Pope Albert recently went to Aspen, Colorado and gave us another vein-bulging, obscenity-howling rant against his opponents.  Those would be the folks who climb mountains and glaciers and sail frigid seas, not the ones who take chartered jets to environmental conferences and ride about Copenhagen in gas-guzzling limos.

You have to realize that if you had missed being president of the United States by 537 votes in Florida, you might be inclined to go off like a comet, too.  But being pope of the Church of Gore is a better gig than being president.  Just ask poor Barack Obama.  Being Climate Pope means the media will genuflect to you and no one will ever dare contradict you.  They certainly would never turn down your request to speak.

Now comes even worse news for Pope Albert.  London's Daily Telegraph is reporting that a European research unit based in Denmark is confirming what Dr. Singer says.  The CERN is quietly stepping into the controversy, suggesting that it may be the sun that is warming us, after all.

Pope Albert had better sling some more of his powerful bulls.  He's surrounded by sceptics, skeptics, deniers, and worse.  And all his opponents favor the white race, but they're also for the black and Asian races.  They're rather partial to the human race.

So, Pope Albert can go on issuing more of his bulls.  They'll have as much effect as the one issued against the comet.  Poor man -- all this climate skepticism may give him sunstroke.