PLEASE HELP! My Congressman May Have Been Abducted

I can't help it; I come from a long line of worrywarts. My wife makes fun of me because I am always worrying. Usually my concern surrounds my kids, family or even a close friend, but never a public figure. Not this time. What's worse is my worry's causing me to lose sleep, and it's not even someone I know personally.

I am very concerned about Steve Israel, my Congressman.

Congressman Israel is a great moral man who cares about his district.  As a matter of fact, he always shows up at my Synagogue to make a speech. It happens like clockwork, every two years on the Sabbath before Election Day. Heck, the Congressman cares so much about his constituents that he voted for the Stimulus and Cap and Trade bills, even though he didn't have a chance to read them. What a guy! Nancy Pelosi told him it would help us and wham, he ran out and voted. See how much he cares about us?

During the August congressional break, Congressmen and Senators have been spending time in their districts running town hall meetings to get voter feedback on the Obamacare bills.  The members of Congress have been giving feedback to their constituents also.  Harry Reid told them they were evil, Barney Frank compared one of his voters to a table, and Nancy Pelosi said they were un-American.

It was strange that Steve Israel didn't set up a public town hall to have this back-andmissing-forth. The longer he was silent, the more I became concerned for his well-being.

Two weeks ago, when Senator Specter was telling his constituents that "he didn't get paid for being there." I started looking for the Congressman myself.  The first thought was he must be ill so I called all the hospitals between Washington DC and Long Island, but thank goodness he wasn't in any of them.

When Barbara Boxer essentially called all of the town hall protesters Brooks Brothers-type fakes, I just knew Congressman Israel would turn up. Being such a proud representative of his people, I was sure he would step up, scold Boxer, and stand up for free speech by holding a town hall meeting. I raced to the newspaper to find a town hall announcement from Steve Israel, but it wasn't there, it wasn't anywhere.

That's when the nightmares started, had Steve Israel been abducted?

My wife calmed me down, "he was probably getting school supplies for his kids", she told me, "It was August. Like the rest of us he must searching for the right number two pencils or the Transformers notebook or Meghan Fox poster. The poor guy could be stuck on a line at Wal-Mart somewhere." After all, Congressman Israel is not some sort of liberal elitist, he is a regular guy.

The NY Post ran an article announcing that Steve Israel already had a town hall, by invitation only, and it wasn't announced until after it happened. That just couldn't be true, Congressman Israel is a man of the people, he wants to know what all his constituents think. So I scanned the news channels, but nowhere could I find an interview with the Democratic congressman bashing the Post for its lies.

I became convinced Congressman Steve Israel (D-NY) had met with some sort of evil doing. Any man who is such a strong representative of the people would speak out against a false report accusing him of ignoring the people who put him into office.

But wait, it's August, maybe he was away on vacation ---that had to be it! Just because he is a public servant, that doesn't preclude him from getting some time off. Israel works hard, he deserves a vacation. "All this worrying for nothing", I said to my wife, "Who knows, he may be up at Kutcher's in the Catskills for a vacation." Who likes to work when they are on vacation with the kids? That's why there is no town hall meeting, and that's why he doesn't deal with the NY Post report saying he's hiding from his constituents. That night I got eight full hours of sleep.

When the SEIU and ACORN goons started attacking people who were simply trying to exercise their right of free speech, I just knew Steve would speak out. Congressman Israel is an advocate of the Constitution and the First Amendment.  It's natural for him to lambaste the use of goons, even if it was to protect a bill pushed by his Democratic Party leadership. Israel would not stand idly by and let a gang of bullies overtake a political argument. But there was nothing, no comment, no outrage. Why didn't he speak out?

In a serendipitous moment I figured it all out! Harry Potter! The latest installment of the movie series was coming out. Congressman Israel was probably with thousands of others waiting on long lines to be one of the first people to see the new movie. I supposed he was even wearing the costume of his favorite character (Lord Voldemort, I reckon). That's why he was ignoring his voters; he didn't want to lose his place on line.

Yesterday, the NY Times reported the Democrats may go it "alone" on Obamacare. They would even use the infamous "nuclear option" to ram it through the Senate.

Steve Israel is a man of fairness and justice. He would have to speak out now; it would be unjust for him to allow a takeover of 1/6th of the American economy without so much one public town hall meeting with his people.

Justice? THAT'S IT! Of course! Why didn't I think of it before, Congressman Steve Israel is a man of justice. He must be perusing Justice! Now that OJ Simpson is in jail, the Congressman must be have taken over the search to find the real killer of Simpson's ex- wife. I knew the OJ search had moved to South Florida golf courses, so this morning I called all of them. "Have you seen Congressman Steve Israel, he may be looking for the real killer of OJ's ex-wife?"

Nothing!  I turned up absolutely bupkis. One person I spoke with, a guy named Manny who works on a golf course in Del Rey Beach, Florida told me that I was crazy. "Don't you get it?" He said, "Congressman Steve Israel just doesn't care what his constituents think. He is just blindly following the orders of Nancy Pelosi, just as he did with the Porkulus and Cap and Tax bills. If he cared he would be having public meetings with his voters."

Manny can't be right. Steve Israel is a man of the people, his constituents are his life. Maybe he has been kidnapped in a car accident or something.  What if he is lying in some pit on the side of the road, or has amnesia? How awful.

I am running out of ideas for places to look. Please can you help? As you go about your day, please keep an eye out for him. Let me know if you see him. Tell him to call me (or my mother). We are both so worried.

Sammy Benoit is Editor of the Political Blog The Lid
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