Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there was the beautiful Princess Caroline who was part of one of the oldest royal families in the country -- a family that built its fortune on Hollywood investments and possibly bootlegging, and was plagued with tragedy and scandal -- but whose over-glorified name still held many in its hypnotic thrall. Yet Princess Caroline, despite her royal pedigree and family tradition of publicly serving themselves -- er, tradition of public service -- chose to live her life quietly, eschewing publicity. Despite earning a law degree, she stayed at home to raise her children, occasionally raising money for charitable causes and publishing a few books that sold more on name recognition than their literary quality.
Then one day, a hopeful heir to the throne of this modern-day Camelot came to Princess Caroline and asked for her help in pulling the sword out of the stone so that he could rule the land and bring everlasting hope and happiness to the serfs who were barely scratching a miserable living under the outgoing king's wretched rule. All she had to do was to help him find his ceremonial stand-in (sometimes known as a whipping boy). Princess Caroline agreed, and she not only found a whipping boy whose oral blunders were sure to take the media spotlight off anything foolish The OneTM might utter, but she found a new purpose in life -- the desire to serve the public in the same way her other family members had. And just like a fairy tale, Princess Caroline suddenly found herself in a position to be named to a plum position within the new king's court, a cushy seat her uncle once held. She said that her status as a mother and an advocate of public schools (even though her children went to exclusive private schools) constituted plenty of experience to do the difficult job of creating legislation and overseeing the purse strings of the treasury. Many of her similarly privileged friends agreed, saying that if people would only "get to know her" that they too would agree that she was ready for the job on day one. To the untrained eye it seemed as though Princess Caroline was suddenly infected by a sense of power in her success in helping to create a new political dynasty, but the truth is she did it because of her humble desire to serve. In her own words: "Going into politics is something people have asked me about forever. When this opportunity came along, which was sort of unexpected, I thought, `Well, maybe now. How about now?'" What is truly amazing is that she said this not while nibbling caviar and sipping champagne, but while eating a grilled cheese and bacon sandwich, washing it down with coffee. Truly, a woman of the people. And, showing she had twice the political acumen and intellectual powers of another woman of much lesser pedigree -- some would say member of the peasant class - who recently tried to use her experience as a city councilwoman, mayor, chair of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation commission and Alaska governor to crash the gates carefully guarded by the political elite, Princess Caroline said (in response to a question about her seeking even higher office), "Now, well, can we just, you know, get through this, like, you know, right here now? I mean, you know." Yet despite the obvious, some dared to doubt Princess Caroline's readiness for the job. There was speculation that by selecting her above all others, Gov. Paterson was counting on political payback in the form of fundraising and gaining an audience with King Obama -- and cruel whisperings that she really was just a "limousine liberal," a "carpetbagger," and a "middle-aged dilettante" who wanted to try something new -- and politics would do nicely. Poor Princess Caroline. How could anyone doubt her sincerity? Her integrity? Her ability to serve? She began to get agitated. When asked when she first realized she wanted the position within King Obama's court, Princess Caroline had this witty retort: "Have you guys ever thought about writing for, like, a woman's magazine or something? I thought you were the crack political team." Those reporters, by the way, are still smarting from that stinging rebuttal. Some have even sought psychiatric help.
So what happened to Princess Caroline? Did she manage to get past the dragons and find her rightful place at the Round Table in Camelot? Alas, this fairy tale has yet to have its ending written. Perhaps the New Year will bring all of Princess Caroline's dreams out of the shadows and into reality.
And for those of you out there who doubt the existence of fairy tale endings? Break time is over. It's time to stop reading this and getting back to digging potatoes.