From: Leni Riefenstahl
To: Barack Hussein (dare I say it?) Obama
Subject: Ideas for the rally
Dear Mr. Obama: I've been reading of your plans for the Invesco Field mass rally in Denver. I've had some experience documenting such things and am delighted to offer my suggestions. You are the one I've been waiting for.
1. You need a name for this rally.
Surely this will be the hallmark of your governance -- large, well-staged events in which you make very impassioned, high-minded speeches which do not bear parsing for content and which permit no impudent questioning by the media or participants. This, I can tell you, is a successful strategy.
My first thought about a name is Democratischeparteitag der Einheit und Starke or, as you would say, Democrat party Rally Day of Unity and Strength.
2. Make the Rally Very Long.
In my experience you cannot speak too long or be accompanied by too many cadres of supporters. Start around 5:30 and continue speaking until considerably past dusk. Have lots of torches. This makes for a dramatic and memorable effect. It may well be that the television crews will not be able to broadcast over such a long period, but never mind that. We can make a movie and ads out of it, whether they use it all or not.
3. Have Lots of Marching.
Before you start, have lots of marchers carrying banners of their affiliation. I notice on your website you have 17 groups backing you. I'd start with the LGBTs if only for the costumes. Follow on with the First Americans for much the same reason and continue down the list. (I notice you have no white men listed. Good thing. The last rallies we had like this were just seas of white men. It's time for rainbow fascism to come out of the closet and show its face.)
3. Remember the point of the rally.
The thing about the rally is that it is sure to strengthen the Obama cult, which I must say has proven an astonishing development to me. I thought that surely America was immune to such things outside of sports and entertainment, but to someone like me it's a delightful surprise. Undoubtedly it was a good idea for you to speak to higher order things like change and hope while your wife -- undoubtedly working the masochist vote -- stresses the order and discipline you expect of your supporters and then the nation. You need to bring in the gullible idealists and the anti-democratic self-punishers.
4. Film The Rally.
I cannot emphasize this enough. Lots of torches, banners, close ups of youth and of your face as you hit the high points of your peroration. Unfortunately, I'm in no shape to do this, but there's that nice Michael Moore or maybe Bill Moyers and a cadre of music video makers. They have lots of experience with this sort of thing.
5. Leave the Young With a Task.
Undoubtedly much of your audience will be young and impressionable .Give them an assignment to carry out or they'll just wander off, drink, dope-up and dance and forget to work for you. Maybe your neat idea to have them work for nothing -- probably as community organizers as you did -- might appeal. (For goodness sake though shut up those folks who tell them how you and Ayres ran through $50 million of Annenberg money without in any way shape of form improving the Chicago schools, but merely enriching your pals. Ditto the use of tax money to subsidize slum landlords.) Keep their eyes on the skies and away from the realities. Surely you can find ways to use your newly created youth corps. We did.
6. Get a catchy Song.
Very important. I've tried my hand at it for you, but my head doesn't work well with hip hop. Maybe 25 cent or whatever that guy's name is can help.
7. Line up Lots of Celebrities.
It's obvious your followers are not linear thinkers. They need images. But I see you're working Hollywood already and know how too handle that. Keep Kerry and Carter off the stage and far away from the event. Ditto McGovern and Dukakis and that nitwit Wesley Clark.
Remember, my darling, The Future Belongs to You.
Clarice Feldman is an attorney in Washington, DC.