The most spoilerific review of The Force Awakens

It simply isn't possible to substantially review Star Wars: The Force Awakens without talking about some really specific details... like the ending. So this is your first and last chance to stop reading now if you don't want to know any more...

Star Wars: The Force Awakens is basically a retread of the very first Star Wars movie, but with a multicultural cast and a female hero, as part of the continuing chickification of action films. The protagonist, Rey, who looks to be the daughter either of Luke Skywalker or Princess Leia (actually, she's now called "General" Leia since Princess is no longer PC), starts the movie knowing nothing about the Force. By the end of the movie she has her own lightsaber and is beating the villain, Kylo Ren, in a lightsaber duel. If you thought Luke Skywalker's becoming a Jedi over a long weekend on Dagobah strained credulity, this will only strain it even more.

Daisy Ridley, the actress who plays Rey, is a bit wooden (which she herself admits), but she is a woman so the politically correctness of her selection makes up for it. For much of the movie she is grimacing, with one tortured expression after another, kind of like Carly Fiorina speaking at a Republican debate, minus the giant crucifix. She is paired with Finn, an African American Stormtrooper, who defected from Captain Phasma, the female head of the stormtroopers. It's nice to see that the Imperials have diversified the stormtrooper ranks to make them look more like the Empire.

Captain Phasma, wearing cool looking chrome armor, is supposed to be  a female Boba Fett character, but for all her appearances in the trailer she has very little on screen time in the film. The lead villain is Kylo Ren, who with his mask on has a ridiculous sounding voice that sounds like a speech impediment.

Rey and Finn spend much of the film running away from the stormtroopers and then preparing to attack the Starkiller base, which is another version of the Death Star. Yes, this is now the third Star Wars movie with a Death Star that is destroyed by tiny X-Wing fighters.

The battle scenes, whether in space or on the ground, are incredible, by the way, and are easily the best parts of the film. So is the new droid BB-8, who is a very cute soccer ball. Also good are the many of the scenes with Han Solo. Unfortunately, Solo gets gutted by Kylo Ren (who is his son, by the way), and his dead body falls down a shaft. It's a very poor death scene for a major character who dies without accomplishing anything of significance. Furthermore Han Solo was perhaps the best character in the series, depriving us of the best character leaving us with Princess (sorry, General!) Leia and C-3PO and others we would easily be grateful to be without. With Solo gone, the ethnic cleansing of the white male protagonists is basically complete.

Oh, and as for Luke? He has about 30 seconds in the film. Doesn't say a word. It is a very abrupt ending that is a very unfair tease to the viewers.

Overall this film is much better than The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones, with great battle scenes, but it is too derivative of the original film and the new characters are not exactly inspiring.

 

This article was written by Ed Straker, senior writer of NewsMachete.com, the conservative news site.

It simply isn't possible to substantially review Star Wars: The Force Awakens without talking about some really specific details... like the ending. So this is your first and last chance to stop reading now if you don't want to know any more...

Star Wars: The Force Awakens is basically a retread of the very first Star Wars movie, but with a multicultural cast and a female hero, as part of the continuing chickification of action films. The protagonist, Rey, who looks to be the daughter either of Luke Skywalker or Princess Leia (actually, she's now called "General" Leia since Princess is no longer PC), starts the movie knowing nothing about the Force. By the end of the movie she has her own lightsaber and is beating the villain, Kylo Ren, in a lightsaber duel. If you thought Luke Skywalker's becoming a Jedi over a long weekend on Dagobah strained credulity, this will only strain it even more.

Daisy Ridley, the actress who plays Rey, is a bit wooden (which she herself admits), but she is a woman so the politically correctness of her selection makes up for it. For much of the movie she is grimacing, with one tortured expression after another, kind of like Carly Fiorina speaking at a Republican debate, minus the giant crucifix. She is paired with Finn, an African American Stormtrooper, who defected from Captain Phasma, the female head of the stormtroopers. It's nice to see that the Imperials have diversified the stormtrooper ranks to make them look more like the Empire.

Captain Phasma, wearing cool looking chrome armor, is supposed to be  a female Boba Fett character, but for all her appearances in the trailer she has very little on screen time in the film. The lead villain is Kylo Ren, who with his mask on has a ridiculous sounding voice that sounds like a speech impediment.

Rey and Finn spend much of the film running away from the stormtroopers and then preparing to attack the Starkiller base, which is another version of the Death Star. Yes, this is now the third Star Wars movie with a Death Star that is destroyed by tiny X-Wing fighters.

The battle scenes, whether in space or on the ground, are incredible, by the way, and are easily the best parts of the film. So is the new droid BB-8, who is a very cute soccer ball. Also good are the many of the scenes with Han Solo. Unfortunately, Solo gets gutted by Kylo Ren (who is his son, by the way), and his dead body falls down a shaft. It's a very poor death scene for a major character who dies without accomplishing anything of significance. Furthermore Han Solo was perhaps the best character in the series, depriving us of the best character leaving us with Princess (sorry, General!) Leia and C-3PO and others we would easily be grateful to be without. With Solo gone, the ethnic cleansing of the white male protagonists is basically complete.

Oh, and as for Luke? He has about 30 seconds in the film. Doesn't say a word. It is a very abrupt ending that is a very unfair tease to the viewers.

Overall this film is much better than The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones, with great battle scenes, but it is too derivative of the original film and the new characters are not exactly inspiring.

 

This article was written by Ed Straker, senior writer of NewsMachete.com, the conservative news site.