Bush, psychoanalyzing self, finds himself virtuous enough for presidency

The greatest fiction writers will tell you that the best way to describe a character in a story is to show him in action, not to describe him with adjectives.

Unfortunately, Jeb Bush doesn't employ very talented novelists to write his speeches.  In an effort to re-re-reboot his campaign, he gave a major speech in Miami in English on Monday.

First, Jeb started talking about his exciting new book – about his emails.

For eight years, I gave out my jeb@jeb.org email address to anyone who wanted to talk to me.

And email they did!

People across the state told me their stories.

Sometimes they asked questions.

Sometimes they asked for help.

I used my email exchanges to tell the Florida story. 

Zzzzzzzz. These aren't the kind of emails where you have an ambassador going, "Help!  We need more security!" and Jeb responding, "Sorry, I don't read classified emails."  It's boring, chatty, unfocused stuff.

Then Jeb goes on to list all the major problems America suffers from (except illegal immigration).  After giving a list of problems, Jeb proclaims himself Mr. Fix It...but doesn't offer a single solution.

I can fix it.

After seven years of historic cuts to our military…a foreign policy based on leading from behind…the emboldening of our enemies and the isolation of our allies…we need a president who fixes America’s standing abroad.

I can fix it.

After seven years of massive deficits, historic debt, and a president who vetoes defense spending because he wants more reckless spending, we need a president who fixes our budgetary mess.

I can fix it.

How?  Jeb won't say.  Instead, he decides to talk about himself.

I have learned two important things from my time serving the people of Florida:

One, I can’t be someone I’m not.

And, two, getting things done isn’t about yelling into a camera, or regurgitating sound bites free of substance.

I will not compromise my principles,

I will not trade in an optimistic outlook to put on the cloak of an angry agitator.

And I will not make anyone feel small so I can feel big.

I am running this campaign on my own terms. And let me tell you something: when the dust clears, and the delegates are counted, we will win this campaign.

I will be true to myself, optimistic and inclusive.

I will win appealing to our better angels, and not our greatest fears.

I... I... I... I... Jeb looks as if he is writing an autobiographical character sketch in a Hallmark birthday card.

Jeb is seriously out of touch if he thinks any of this is compelling.  To be compelling, Jeb needs to talk about, you know, the issues.  And not just to list them, as he did, but to talk about how he would solve them.  In his long biographical opus, he didn't find time to do any of that.  Instead, he did a Stuart Smalley-style staring into the mirror to give himself a self-affirmation.  "I am nice.  I am kind.  I am very good.  I am valued."  It's embarrassing that he said these things in public.  It makes himself look insecure.  And it makes him look out of touch, because once again, he doesn't have a clue what voters want to hear.

Previously, I wondered where in the five steps of accepting loss Jeb Bush was.  I think he's still in step one, denial.  We can't nominate a man who at this stage in the campaign is still working on what it means to be a candidate.

This article was written by Ed Straker, senior writer of NewsMachete.com, the conservative news site.

The greatest fiction writers will tell you that the best way to describe a character in a story is to show him in action, not to describe him with adjectives.

Unfortunately, Jeb Bush doesn't employ very talented novelists to write his speeches.  In an effort to re-re-reboot his campaign, he gave a major speech in Miami in English on Monday.

First, Jeb started talking about his exciting new book – about his emails.

For eight years, I gave out my jeb@jeb.org email address to anyone who wanted to talk to me.

And email they did!

People across the state told me their stories.

Sometimes they asked questions.

Sometimes they asked for help.

I used my email exchanges to tell the Florida story. 

Zzzzzzzz. These aren't the kind of emails where you have an ambassador going, "Help!  We need more security!" and Jeb responding, "Sorry, I don't read classified emails."  It's boring, chatty, unfocused stuff.

Then Jeb goes on to list all the major problems America suffers from (except illegal immigration).  After giving a list of problems, Jeb proclaims himself Mr. Fix It...but doesn't offer a single solution.

I can fix it.

After seven years of historic cuts to our military…a foreign policy based on leading from behind…the emboldening of our enemies and the isolation of our allies…we need a president who fixes America’s standing abroad.

I can fix it.

After seven years of massive deficits, historic debt, and a president who vetoes defense spending because he wants more reckless spending, we need a president who fixes our budgetary mess.

I can fix it.

How?  Jeb won't say.  Instead, he decides to talk about himself.

I have learned two important things from my time serving the people of Florida:

One, I can’t be someone I’m not.

And, two, getting things done isn’t about yelling into a camera, or regurgitating sound bites free of substance.

I will not compromise my principles,

I will not trade in an optimistic outlook to put on the cloak of an angry agitator.

And I will not make anyone feel small so I can feel big.

I am running this campaign on my own terms. And let me tell you something: when the dust clears, and the delegates are counted, we will win this campaign.

I will be true to myself, optimistic and inclusive.

I will win appealing to our better angels, and not our greatest fears.

I... I... I... I... Jeb looks as if he is writing an autobiographical character sketch in a Hallmark birthday card.

Jeb is seriously out of touch if he thinks any of this is compelling.  To be compelling, Jeb needs to talk about, you know, the issues.  And not just to list them, as he did, but to talk about how he would solve them.  In his long biographical opus, he didn't find time to do any of that.  Instead, he did a Stuart Smalley-style staring into the mirror to give himself a self-affirmation.  "I am nice.  I am kind.  I am very good.  I am valued."  It's embarrassing that he said these things in public.  It makes himself look insecure.  And it makes him look out of touch, because once again, he doesn't have a clue what voters want to hear.

Previously, I wondered where in the five steps of accepting loss Jeb Bush was.  I think he's still in step one, denial.  We can't nominate a man who at this stage in the campaign is still working on what it means to be a candidate.

This article was written by Ed Straker, senior writer of NewsMachete.com, the conservative news site.