Please help Rick Santorum figure out why, 99 Iowa counties later, he's still at 1%

Americans are a helpful people.  We give money to help wounded veterans, we give money to help fight diseases, and we even given money to the homeless, to spend on food, alcohol, and narcotics (though usually not in that order).  That's why we need to band together to help Rick Santorum.  He looked very puzzled in a New York Times article that discussed how, even after visiting all 99 counties in Iowa, he's at only 1% in the polls, and about the same nationally.

Rick Santorum became the first presidential candidate this year to complete the marathon with a rally last Tuesday in Lyon County in the northwest corner of the state, a four-hour drive from Des Moines, where grain elevators loom like mountain ranges and FM stations broadcast hog prices and news of Asian trade deals. Mr. Santorum may be the first candidate to visit all 99 counties this year, but in Iowa he is polling at only 1 percent. The question trailing Mr. Santorum this year is why — after finishing as the runner-up to Mr. Romney in the Republican nominating race in 2012 — is he doing so poorly. His support declined from 6 percent in a Des Moines Register/Bloomberg Politics poll in May to 1 percent in August.

Donald Trump is way ahead in Iowa, as he is in most states (though Scott Walker is still leading in Wisconsin by a rapidly diminishing margin), and yet Trump hasn't campaigned in most counties of Iowa.

So why is Rick Santorum, who narrowly won Iowa in 2012, doing so poorly?

I think this is one of those complex problems, like math or astronomy problems that require huge computational powers to decipher.  That's why I think we need to crowdsource this problem to figure it out.  I'll go first, but then I'll want your help in the comments section to figure out alternative answers, because I think it is a very, very complex and multifaceted question.

And here's my answer to it: Santorum has zero charisma.  He's not quite a sleeping pill with arms and legs like Jeb Bush.  But neither does he inspire people or make them want to vote for him.  He's like a Caucasian version of Bobby Jindal: a conservative with principals, a proven record, who is a little bit hard to listen to while staying awake.  Watch this video and count the number of times Santorum says the word "ah" in answer to a simple question about immigration.  He uses it like a crutch, and he sounds nervous and uncomfortable.

I'm old enough to remember when Santorum was first elected.  He was hailed as a conservative elected in a liberal state (Pennsylvania) who could attract Democratic votes.  But six years later he was defeated soundly, and he hasn't done much since then.  Why do we want a candidate who lost his last election?

I think his best bet would be to drop out with Rick Perry and start a school for unmotivational speakers.

This article was written by Ed Straker, senior writer of NewsMachete.com, the conservative news site.

Americans are a helpful people.  We give money to help wounded veterans, we give money to help fight diseases, and we even given money to the homeless, to spend on food, alcohol, and narcotics (though usually not in that order).  That's why we need to band together to help Rick Santorum.  He looked very puzzled in a New York Times article that discussed how, even after visiting all 99 counties in Iowa, he's at only 1% in the polls, and about the same nationally.

Rick Santorum became the first presidential candidate this year to complete the marathon with a rally last Tuesday in Lyon County in the northwest corner of the state, a four-hour drive from Des Moines, where grain elevators loom like mountain ranges and FM stations broadcast hog prices and news of Asian trade deals. Mr. Santorum may be the first candidate to visit all 99 counties this year, but in Iowa he is polling at only 1 percent. The question trailing Mr. Santorum this year is why — after finishing as the runner-up to Mr. Romney in the Republican nominating race in 2012 — is he doing so poorly. His support declined from 6 percent in a Des Moines Register/Bloomberg Politics poll in May to 1 percent in August.

Donald Trump is way ahead in Iowa, as he is in most states (though Scott Walker is still leading in Wisconsin by a rapidly diminishing margin), and yet Trump hasn't campaigned in most counties of Iowa.

So why is Rick Santorum, who narrowly won Iowa in 2012, doing so poorly?

I think this is one of those complex problems, like math or astronomy problems that require huge computational powers to decipher.  That's why I think we need to crowdsource this problem to figure it out.  I'll go first, but then I'll want your help in the comments section to figure out alternative answers, because I think it is a very, very complex and multifaceted question.

And here's my answer to it: Santorum has zero charisma.  He's not quite a sleeping pill with arms and legs like Jeb Bush.  But neither does he inspire people or make them want to vote for him.  He's like a Caucasian version of Bobby Jindal: a conservative with principals, a proven record, who is a little bit hard to listen to while staying awake.  Watch this video and count the number of times Santorum says the word "ah" in answer to a simple question about immigration.  He uses it like a crutch, and he sounds nervous and uncomfortable.

I'm old enough to remember when Santorum was first elected.  He was hailed as a conservative elected in a liberal state (Pennsylvania) who could attract Democratic votes.  But six years later he was defeated soundly, and he hasn't done much since then.  Why do we want a candidate who lost his last election?

I think his best bet would be to drop out with Rick Perry and start a school for unmotivational speakers.

This article was written by Ed Straker, senior writer of NewsMachete.com, the conservative news site.