Legislature passes bill permitting California to commit suicide

California passed a bill yesterday permitting the state of California to commit legislator-assisted suicide. That means if the State of California feels that its "quality of life" is diminished, or if it has a short time to live, or it is merely unhappy or has a mild stomach upset, then it can act to end its existence. There are several ways the state can do this:

a) A lethal injection of illegal aliens. California can commit suicide by welcoming millions of unvetted illegal aliens, who will never learn English, will go on welfare by the millions, will consume water resources, and will commit large numbers of crimes.

b) Electrocuting state utilities. The State can elect to end its life by passing regulations that shut down coal and oil fired plants. By deindustrializing and eliminating electricity for its citizens, the state can end its own existence painlessly in the dark.

c) Hanging businesses with enormous taxes. Businesses can be hung with enormous taxes. For every business that is executed ten more will flee to Texas. Once all businesses have fled, the state will cease to exist.

d) Let the state go without water. The most humane sort of death is one in which food and water is withheld. By refusing to build new dams or water transmissions systems while the population expanded rapidly, and reserving millions of gallons of water for snails and small fish, the state is painlessly killing itself on a starvation diet.

e) Let the state face a firing squad of decriminalized low level gangs. By emptying the prisons of "low level" prisoners, the State can end its existence by unleashing a wave of terror that will force citizens to flee to other states. Once the state is fully depopulated, except for criminal gangs, the State can cease to exist, and conditions will finally be ripe for John Carpenter to begin filming "Escape from San Francisco," the long awaited sequel to "Escape from LA".

These options will allow California to end its life with dignity. In a state that promotes the services of Planned Parenthood, isn't it appropriate to offer death at both ends?

This article was written by Ed Straker, senior writer of NewsMachete.com, the conservative news site.

California passed a bill yesterday permitting the state of California to commit legislator-assisted suicide. That means if the State of California feels that its "quality of life" is diminished, or if it has a short time to live, or it is merely unhappy or has a mild stomach upset, then it can act to end its existence. There are several ways the state can do this:

a) A lethal injection of illegal aliens. California can commit suicide by welcoming millions of unvetted illegal aliens, who will never learn English, will go on welfare by the millions, will consume water resources, and will commit large numbers of crimes.

b) Electrocuting state utilities. The State can elect to end its life by passing regulations that shut down coal and oil fired plants. By deindustrializing and eliminating electricity for its citizens, the state can end its own existence painlessly in the dark.

c) Hanging businesses with enormous taxes. Businesses can be hung with enormous taxes. For every business that is executed ten more will flee to Texas. Once all businesses have fled, the state will cease to exist.

d) Let the state go without water. The most humane sort of death is one in which food and water is withheld. By refusing to build new dams or water transmissions systems while the population expanded rapidly, and reserving millions of gallons of water for snails and small fish, the state is painlessly killing itself on a starvation diet.

e) Let the state face a firing squad of decriminalized low level gangs. By emptying the prisons of "low level" prisoners, the State can end its existence by unleashing a wave of terror that will force citizens to flee to other states. Once the state is fully depopulated, except for criminal gangs, the State can cease to exist, and conditions will finally be ripe for John Carpenter to begin filming "Escape from San Francisco," the long awaited sequel to "Escape from LA".

These options will allow California to end its life with dignity. In a state that promotes the services of Planned Parenthood, isn't it appropriate to offer death at both ends?

This article was written by Ed Straker, senior writer of NewsMachete.com, the conservative news site.