Madonna's Long Overdue Fall

Madonna loves attention. In fact she loves attention so much that at 56 years-old she showed up at the Grammys with her saggy rear-end exposed and held up with what can only be described as a leather ass bra. 

For some reason the pop world sees Madonna as some kind of living icon, the diva of all divas. If Madonna mentions a name or acknowledges a person other than herself, everyone from Taylor Swift to Katy Perry swoons.

Needless to say, over the years Madge has proven that regardless of what it takes, be it hitchhiking naked to transforming into Eva Peron, Spanish accent and all, to wearing teeth grillz or an ass bra, if it garners attention, Madonna is willing to do it.

This year, for the Grammys Madonna dressed as some kind of aging pornographic matador. Still “Living for Love,” the performer graced the stage and stomped around with the refinement and dexterity of a 300-pound gorilla. Based on the choreography, clearly Madonna Louise Ciccone hasn’t lost her appetite for wince-inducing performances. 

The aging pop star, who has assumed the identities of about 10,000 different people, opened her show with a pre-taped speech about the revolution of accepting yourself for who you are, not seeking approval, and about not wishing you were someone else. 

Yet nearing 60, it appears as if the long past expiration date pop star is still grappling with accepting herself, still seeking approval, and clearly wishing she were someone 30 years younger.

As a woman in the same age group as Madge, the only thing going through my head watching her embarrassing Grammy performance was “Hang it up, Granny.”

Of course Madonna didn’t take my advice and hasn’t “Hung [it] Up.” 

Instead, Madge came to the BRIT Awards to perform “Living for Love.” Ironically, the lyrics to the song say “Took me to heaven and let me fall down… lifted me up, and watched me stumble,” and stumble she did.

As part of the act, Madonna, whom I now like to call Grace, flounced around the stage in her red and black platform shoes, dressed up like a matador.  Apparently the horde of demon-like bulls crawling around her feet was supposed to pull off her Armani cape tied tightly around her neck. 

During a senior moment Madonna must have forgotten to unfasten that cape, and instead of undraping the elderly sex goddess, the horned men yanked her down a flight of stairs.  As a result, instead of ‘Taking a Bow’ Madonna fell backwards on the same derriere she was flaunting in an ass bra one week prior.

Thank our ‘Lucky Stars’ Madonna was not hurt.  However, there are two things that stand out regarding Madonna’s tumble.

For one, old ladies really shouldn’t try to reinvent 70s disco on stage in massively high platform shoes; it’s a recipe for disaster.

And secondly, after spending almost 30+ years displaying perversity and exhibitionism and trying desperately to find an identity she still hasn’t found -- all at the expense of innocent children -- Madonna’s epic fall was long overdue.

Jeannie hosts a blog at www.jeannie-ology.com

Madonna loves attention. In fact she loves attention so much that at 56 years-old she showed up at the Grammys with her saggy rear-end exposed and held up with what can only be described as a leather ass bra. 

For some reason the pop world sees Madonna as some kind of living icon, the diva of all divas. If Madonna mentions a name or acknowledges a person other than herself, everyone from Taylor Swift to Katy Perry swoons.

Needless to say, over the years Madge has proven that regardless of what it takes, be it hitchhiking naked to transforming into Eva Peron, Spanish accent and all, to wearing teeth grillz or an ass bra, if it garners attention, Madonna is willing to do it.

This year, for the Grammys Madonna dressed as some kind of aging pornographic matador. Still “Living for Love,” the performer graced the stage and stomped around with the refinement and dexterity of a 300-pound gorilla. Based on the choreography, clearly Madonna Louise Ciccone hasn’t lost her appetite for wince-inducing performances. 

The aging pop star, who has assumed the identities of about 10,000 different people, opened her show with a pre-taped speech about the revolution of accepting yourself for who you are, not seeking approval, and about not wishing you were someone else. 

Yet nearing 60, it appears as if the long past expiration date pop star is still grappling with accepting herself, still seeking approval, and clearly wishing she were someone 30 years younger.

As a woman in the same age group as Madge, the only thing going through my head watching her embarrassing Grammy performance was “Hang it up, Granny.”

Of course Madonna didn’t take my advice and hasn’t “Hung [it] Up.” 

Instead, Madge came to the BRIT Awards to perform “Living for Love.” Ironically, the lyrics to the song say “Took me to heaven and let me fall down… lifted me up, and watched me stumble,” and stumble she did.

As part of the act, Madonna, whom I now like to call Grace, flounced around the stage in her red and black platform shoes, dressed up like a matador.  Apparently the horde of demon-like bulls crawling around her feet was supposed to pull off her Armani cape tied tightly around her neck. 

During a senior moment Madonna must have forgotten to unfasten that cape, and instead of undraping the elderly sex goddess, the horned men yanked her down a flight of stairs.  As a result, instead of ‘Taking a Bow’ Madonna fell backwards on the same derriere she was flaunting in an ass bra one week prior.

Thank our ‘Lucky Stars’ Madonna was not hurt.  However, there are two things that stand out regarding Madonna’s tumble.

For one, old ladies really shouldn’t try to reinvent 70s disco on stage in massively high platform shoes; it’s a recipe for disaster.

And secondly, after spending almost 30+ years displaying perversity and exhibitionism and trying desperately to find an identity she still hasn’t found -- all at the expense of innocent children -- Madonna’s epic fall was long overdue.

Jeannie hosts a blog at www.jeannie-ology.com