Confessions of an (Almost) Hopeless Reactionary

During my morning workout I was thinking about what a reactionary I'd become. Why I still sometimes smile when I think about the success of the American Revolution. Can you imagine?

Worse yet, I actually fly an American flag at my home.

No! I am past it. I have to come to admit that and be willing to change. Indeed, if I were starting over in family life I'd no longer call my son a "boy," or if I had a daughter, a "girl." Think how hurtful that is to the gender confused! Better by far to confuse my own children so those others don't feel ostracized. I realize that now.

The American flag would have to go. Seeing it must be far too troubling to a passing Mexican immigrant. He or she has enough troubles already having to hide the fact that he snuck into the country. I have been thoughtless. No more!

I'd never again speak of things like "bacon" or "pork chops." Such might offend the folks at the Mosque built up the street on land donated by the city.  I'd also buy some black burlap for my wife. (Although I'm not sure she'd agree to wear it. She may not have come to grips yet with the error of her ways.)

And most important of all I'd not teach my son or daughter to read properly. How unfair to the dyslexic kid who can't!

Nope. I'd do none of those things! And I'd most certainly vote Democrat to make sure no one else did either!

See! A behind the times reactionary can change!

I feel so much better now that I need no longer think

During my morning workout I was thinking about what a reactionary I'd become. Why I still sometimes smile when I think about the success of the American Revolution. Can you imagine?

Worse yet, I actually fly an American flag at my home.

No! I am past it. I have to come to admit that and be willing to change. Indeed, if I were starting over in family life I'd no longer call my son a "boy," or if I had a daughter, a "girl." Think how hurtful that is to the gender confused! Better by far to confuse my own children so those others don't feel ostracized. I realize that now.

The American flag would have to go. Seeing it must be far too troubling to a passing Mexican immigrant. He or she has enough troubles already having to hide the fact that he snuck into the country. I have been thoughtless. No more!

I'd never again speak of things like "bacon" or "pork chops." Such might offend the folks at the Mosque built up the street on land donated by the city.  I'd also buy some black burlap for my wife. (Although I'm not sure she'd agree to wear it. She may not have come to grips yet with the error of her ways.)

And most important of all I'd not teach my son or daughter to read properly. How unfair to the dyslexic kid who can't!

Nope. I'd do none of those things! And I'd most certainly vote Democrat to make sure no one else did either!

See! A behind the times reactionary can change!

I feel so much better now that I need no longer think