If the GOP was a burger chain

Keith Edwards
If there was a hamburger chain called "Republican's" it couldn't compete in the marketplace, and would soon have to close its doors.

While brand marketing is a big part of keeping companies like McDonald's, Wendy's, and Burger King at the top of the fast-food burger industry, it's paramount that the actual product itself deliver consistent quality. One false step in the kitchen can bring down an industry giant.

Jack-in-the-Box found this out the hard way when hundreds of its patrons got sick and some even died from E. coli tainted food back in 1993. But the one thing that resurrected their brand after the incident was proving to the public, over time, that they could once again deliver safe consistent product quality.

The Republican brand is no different. It will live or die based on the consistent quality of its product. Unfortunately, the public sees an inconsistent product of low quality in the Republican Brand. The majority of the blame for this situation lies with those representing the party - elected or otherwise. And it's up to the Republican Party alone to resurrect their brand. And in the same way Jack-in-the-Box couldn't blame the competition for their product, Republicans can't blame the competition for the product they deliver either.

Unfortunately, many of us who have been consuming the Republican product over the years have seen a steady decline in product consistency and quality. And it's not just Republican consumers who have been noticing either, the public is observing it as well.

A quick trip to "Republican's Burgers" will tell us all we need to know about the brand:

Johnny McCain: Hello, welcome to Republican's, how can I help you?

Jane Q. Public: Sure, what do you suggest from the menu?

Johnny McCain: Well as you can see, we have a split menu. Conservative choices are on the right and moderate choices are on the left.

Jane Q. Public: That's interesting... and a little strange... how about I try something from the conservative side please.

Johnny McCain: I highly recommend you try the moderate side, the conservative menu options aren't that good for you. And personally, they make me a little sick. In fact, management has been trying to eliminate the conservative side of the menu for quite some time now.

Jane Q. Public: Really? Well that gentleman over there just ordered off the conservative menu and he seems to be enjoying his lunch?

Johnny McCain: With all due respect ma'am, he's crazy for eating that stuff. The management keeps putting signs on the door to try and keep him and his kind out, but they still trickle in from time to time demanding something from the conservative menu. In fact, there's only a couple of guys left working here that will even serve that crap. And personally, (Pointing over to the other server) Teddy Cruz over there is pretty crazy himself.  

Jane Q. Public: Well thanks... that's all very interesting... but I seem to have lost my appetite. Sorry to have troubled you.

Johnny McCain: Not a problem ma'am, it happens all the time. But don't miss our grand re-opening. We're in the process of being bought-out by our biggest competitor - and we'll have an awesome new menu I'm sure you're gonna love - I know I will.  Maybe you've heard of the place - it's called "Democrat's."

If there was a hamburger chain called "Republican's" it couldn't compete in the marketplace, and would soon have to close its doors.

While brand marketing is a big part of keeping companies like McDonald's, Wendy's, and Burger King at the top of the fast-food burger industry, it's paramount that the actual product itself deliver consistent quality. One false step in the kitchen can bring down an industry giant.

Jack-in-the-Box found this out the hard way when hundreds of its patrons got sick and some even died from E. coli tainted food back in 1993. But the one thing that resurrected their brand after the incident was proving to the public, over time, that they could once again deliver safe consistent product quality.

The Republican brand is no different. It will live or die based on the consistent quality of its product. Unfortunately, the public sees an inconsistent product of low quality in the Republican Brand. The majority of the blame for this situation lies with those representing the party - elected or otherwise. And it's up to the Republican Party alone to resurrect their brand. And in the same way Jack-in-the-Box couldn't blame the competition for their product, Republicans can't blame the competition for the product they deliver either.

Unfortunately, many of us who have been consuming the Republican product over the years have seen a steady decline in product consistency and quality. And it's not just Republican consumers who have been noticing either, the public is observing it as well.

A quick trip to "Republican's Burgers" will tell us all we need to know about the brand:

Johnny McCain: Hello, welcome to Republican's, how can I help you?

Jane Q. Public: Sure, what do you suggest from the menu?

Johnny McCain: Well as you can see, we have a split menu. Conservative choices are on the right and moderate choices are on the left.

Jane Q. Public: That's interesting... and a little strange... how about I try something from the conservative side please.

Johnny McCain: I highly recommend you try the moderate side, the conservative menu options aren't that good for you. And personally, they make me a little sick. In fact, management has been trying to eliminate the conservative side of the menu for quite some time now.

Jane Q. Public: Really? Well that gentleman over there just ordered off the conservative menu and he seems to be enjoying his lunch?

Johnny McCain: With all due respect ma'am, he's crazy for eating that stuff. The management keeps putting signs on the door to try and keep him and his kind out, but they still trickle in from time to time demanding something from the conservative menu. In fact, there's only a couple of guys left working here that will even serve that crap. And personally, (Pointing over to the other server) Teddy Cruz over there is pretty crazy himself.  

Jane Q. Public: Well thanks... that's all very interesting... but I seem to have lost my appetite. Sorry to have troubled you.

Johnny McCain: Not a problem ma'am, it happens all the time. But don't miss our grand re-opening. We're in the process of being bought-out by our biggest competitor - and we'll have an awesome new menu I'm sure you're gonna love - I know I will.  Maybe you've heard of the place - it's called "Democrat's."