Carlos Danger's Big Career Move
Just a few weeks after carrying the biggest flag in the Gay Pride parade, Anthony Weiner's wienermobile is about to come to a screeching halt. Again. Seems that even after getting caught, the man who aspires to be New York City's mayor cannot control the urge to snap iPhone pictures of his genitalia and dispatch them for the viewing pleasure of women who are just as twisted as he is.
For the second time, an anonymous young lady friend, now identified as "Sydney Leathers," claims to have exchanged lewd photos and raunchy phone calls with the mayoral hopeful - not before, but after he resigned in disgrace in 2011.
The self-described "progressive activist from Indiana," who was 22 at the time her relationship with Weiner started, told Nik Ritchie of the website The Dirty that the impassioned cyber-duo "had a relationship for six months, and she believed they were in love."
The woman, supposedly looking for help, submitted a photo to the gossip site, which was more than happy to publish Weiner's self-portrait. The bony feet featured in the picture undeniably confirmed that what was hiding behind the strategically placed pink balloons had to be the fearless genitals of "Carlos Danger."
In response to the latest verification of his online unfaithfulness, man-of-his-word Anthony Weiner pointed out that "I said that other texts and photos were likely to come out, and today they have...While some things that have been posted today are true and some are not, [sounds familiar] there is no question that what I did was wrong."
The problem for Weiner with all this is that the cyber-Lothario also has aspirations to be referred to as Hizzoner when he strolls the streets of New York City.
Attempting to make amends - again - Weiner decided to go public with the intimate details of his marital struggles. Not for nothing, but after he apologized the first time, was Huma "working through these issues" with Anthony when he was locked away in the john snapping close-ups of his manhood? Or was Huma helping Hillary plan the 2016 takeover of the world?
Weiner vehemently maintains that the behavior is behind him, which is certainly in keeping with some of the unseemly proposals he made to an anxious-to-comply Sydney Leathers.
The not-so-remorseful mayoral hopeful continued, "I want to again say that I am very sorry to anyone who was on the receiving end of these messages and the disruption that this has caused."
Speaking of disruption, how troubled was Weiner's online paramour when she realized she wasn't getting that Chicago condo or a job at Politico like he promised her if she scrubbed the posts?
Since then, Weiner claims that he and his wife Huma (who clearly either doesn't have a clue what her husband is doing, or she does know and couldn't care less) are heeding the advice of our beloved leader Barack Obama, and according to both of them "are focused on moving forward."
Forward or backward, either way, what we now know is that the newly-revealed perversity was going on after Weiner stepped down from Congress and was supposed to be holed up mending fences with his fetching bride and nurturing son Jordan Zain Weiner who he also refers to as a "sparkling wonder."
Clearly coached by her mentor to "Stand by Your Man," after the current scandal broke, Huma, grinning inappropriately, appeared with the champion of the middleclass at a hastily organized press conference. Complete with a Hillary-style didactic lilt in her unapologetic voice, Huma emphatically confirmed her support despite the crude nature of her husband's extramarital activities.
Hillary's sidekick Huma, like her husband, must also have a fondness for political power, otherwise why would she allow herself to be publicly humiliated this way, or continue to urge the Weiner and his iPhone to take up residence in one of the bathrooms at Gracie Mansion?
In response to the whole tawdry affair, mayoral candidates Sal Albanese, a City Councilman and fellow Democrat, and Republican hopeful John Catsimatidis both recommended that Weiner (ahem) withdraw. Can anyone say Christine Quinn?
Catsimatidis maintained that "Anthony Weiner should do what is right for his family and our city and drop out of the race for mayor so we can end this soap opera."
Speaking of soap, Weiner did a whole thread on shower- and soap-related activities. So, if the dangerously-living Carlos drops out of the race for mayor, as well he should, based on his flair for photography and creative writing, he may have a lucrative future in pornography or penning erotic romance novels.
Jeannie hosts a blog at www.jeannie-ology.com