'Used-Syringe Republicans' Will Lead Romney Landslide
Is everyone sufficiency nervous about today's election? I'm not. I still foresee a huge Romney win.
You've heard of "Broken-Glass Republicans"? The term was first used in 2008 to describe Republicans willing to crawl across broken glass to get to the polling place and vote. I think what the nation is going to see today is a Republican base far more motivated than that -- let's call them "Used-Syringe Republicans." Those are Republicans like me who are so eager to vote Barack Obama and the Democrats out of office that they would eagerly crawl butt-naked through dumpsters full of used needles out back of the local AIDS clinic to cast their ballots.
Earlier today I broke down and, after a few months, took a look at some of the polls that had so many of my friends depressed and in a tizzy over the last few days. I can see why. The polls are all over the place. I'm glad I ignored them for as long as I did. Otherwise, I'm certain I would have drunk arsenic and slit my wrists to be certain of death months ago.
At any rate, now is no longer the time for fear and apprehension. You'll be wasting time and energy that can be better spent helping to rally the base. It's all about turnout now. All everyone on our side needs to do is get out and vote, and the landslide will take care of itself. Make sure you take as many people with you as you can when you do.
I live in Illinois, so I'll be dropping by the graveyard to pick up some absentee ballots from Republicans who won't be able to make it to the polls tomorrow because they're dead. No need to thank me -- I'm always been civic-minded. Dropped them off a couple of weeks ago, and those ballots should now be as ripe as the dead people who cast them. In any other state, that could get you arrested, but not in Illinois. Hell, we still have dead people on the state payroll. For being dead, they make a damn good living on the state's dime, especially if they vote straight-line Democrat. It's one of the reasons Illinois is so damn broke.
Since everyone else is making their electoral-vote predictions, I guess I should take a stab at it. Here goes: Romney romps 315 to Obama's 223. In addition, Republicans will regain control of the Senate and expand their majority in the House.