How To Destroy A Boy In One Sentence
Walking home this morning, I saw a frizzy-haired mother with a lefty vibe and Savonarola expression. Her young son ran in front of her, chasing pigeons. I listened, awestruck, as she admonished him thusly: "In your next life, I hope you come back as a pigeon, so you know what that feels like." Confused, the boy said, "What?" She repeated her wisdom in sterner tones.
I'm dazzled by her genius at packing several soul-crushing blows into one sentence:
1) You're going to be reincarnated as punishment
2) Your mother eagerly awaits your eternal punishment
3) Walk robotically by my side at all times and make no impromptu moves
4) Birds don't like to fly
Now that I think about it, she looked like a teacher. She probably gets to do this to 30 kids all day long.