Why being a liberal means never having to engage the logic centers of one's brain

You can't make this stuff up:

Oregon officials were successful in getting permission to kill sea lions that feed on protected salmon trying to swim upriver to spawn. Now they want federal approval to shoot a sea bird that eats millions of baby salmon trying to reach the ocean.

In an April 5 letter to the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service obtained by The Associated Press, Oregon Wildlife Chief Ron Anglin says harassment has "proved insufficient" in controlling double-crested cormorants, and officials want the option of killing some of the birds.

Oregon needs federal approval to start shooting double-crested cormorants because the birds are protected under the Migratory Bird Treaty Act.

Anglin wrote that the birds are threatening restoration of wild fish protected by the Endangered Species Act, as well as hatchery fish important to sport and commercial fishing.

The letter was a formal request to add Oregon to the 28 states authorized to kill cormorants to protect public resources, such as game fish. The Fish and Wildlife Service is updating the authorization, which expires in 2014.

Oregon also is preparing an application to shoot enough cormorants at the mouths of the Rogue, Umpqua and Tillamook rivers to reduce nesting colonies there by 10 percent, said predatory bird coordinator Lindsay Adrean.

What's an environmentally concerned liberal to do? Feel sorry for the fishys who get eaten by the pretty bird or the pretty bird who gorges itself on defenseless little fishys?

I feel for the liberals in Oregon on this one. Showing how much you care about little fishys and pretty birds is what a green citizen must do or else you will be thought of as a raper of the environment. But to be caught between killing a protected bird or allowing pretty little bug eyed fishys to be devoured like an oil company devours the environment must be causing enormous stress. Hospitals should be alerted that some liberals will not be able to handle the pressure and may become catatonic - or worse - begin non-stop babbling, reciting from memory Rachel Carson's "Silent Spring."

There's a solomonic solution to this crisis of conscience; kill them all. Put a bounty on the cormorant's beak and invite hunters from California (who don't have much left to shoot at because of wacky greens being in charge of the Fish and Wildlife Service there) into the state for a turkey shoot of sorts. I guarantee within a few days, cormorants will not be pestering the baby salmon any more and sport fisherman the world over will thank the government of Oregon for their foresightedness and intelligent environmental policy.

There is economic sense to this proposal. Cormorants don't bring any cash into the state at present. All they do is fly around looking pretty, causing Oregon liberals to "oooh" and "ahhhh" over them. Put a small bounty on them, however, and the resulting crush of hunters pouring into the state will swell the coffers of the Oregon government. And, of course, Salmon are vital to the state's tourist industry so saving them will no doubt improve the economic prospects there also.

Unfortunately, Oregon is run by liberals so it is not likely they will take my advice. Too bad. I would have asked for only a 1% finders fee for the idea.

You can't make this stuff up:

Oregon officials were successful in getting permission to kill sea lions that feed on protected salmon trying to swim upriver to spawn. Now they want federal approval to shoot a sea bird that eats millions of baby salmon trying to reach the ocean.

In an April 5 letter to the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service obtained by The Associated Press, Oregon Wildlife Chief Ron Anglin says harassment has "proved insufficient" in controlling double-crested cormorants, and officials want the option of killing some of the birds.

Oregon needs federal approval to start shooting double-crested cormorants because the birds are protected under the Migratory Bird Treaty Act.

Anglin wrote that the birds are threatening restoration of wild fish protected by the Endangered Species Act, as well as hatchery fish important to sport and commercial fishing.

The letter was a formal request to add Oregon to the 28 states authorized to kill cormorants to protect public resources, such as game fish. The Fish and Wildlife Service is updating the authorization, which expires in 2014.

Oregon also is preparing an application to shoot enough cormorants at the mouths of the Rogue, Umpqua and Tillamook rivers to reduce nesting colonies there by 10 percent, said predatory bird coordinator Lindsay Adrean.

What's an environmentally concerned liberal to do? Feel sorry for the fishys who get eaten by the pretty bird or the pretty bird who gorges itself on defenseless little fishys?

I feel for the liberals in Oregon on this one. Showing how much you care about little fishys and pretty birds is what a green citizen must do or else you will be thought of as a raper of the environment. But to be caught between killing a protected bird or allowing pretty little bug eyed fishys to be devoured like an oil company devours the environment must be causing enormous stress. Hospitals should be alerted that some liberals will not be able to handle the pressure and may become catatonic - or worse - begin non-stop babbling, reciting from memory Rachel Carson's "Silent Spring."

There's a solomonic solution to this crisis of conscience; kill them all. Put a bounty on the cormorant's beak and invite hunters from California (who don't have much left to shoot at because of wacky greens being in charge of the Fish and Wildlife Service there) into the state for a turkey shoot of sorts. I guarantee within a few days, cormorants will not be pestering the baby salmon any more and sport fisherman the world over will thank the government of Oregon for their foresightedness and intelligent environmental policy.

There is economic sense to this proposal. Cormorants don't bring any cash into the state at present. All they do is fly around looking pretty, causing Oregon liberals to "oooh" and "ahhhh" over them. Put a small bounty on them, however, and the resulting crush of hunters pouring into the state will swell the coffers of the Oregon government. And, of course, Salmon are vital to the state's tourist industry so saving them will no doubt improve the economic prospects there also.

Unfortunately, Oregon is run by liberals so it is not likely they will take my advice. Too bad. I would have asked for only a 1% finders fee for the idea.

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