The President's Burden
What a burden our president bears. Just ask him.
He must bravely fight the depredations of hordes of American doctors who lop off limbs and take out tonsils for absolutely no reason, except to stuff their wallets. And we're talking doctors in all 57 states!
He must revive an economy mired in record-shattering depths, pulling against the strain of job-destroying ATM bank machines. True, ATMs debuted in 1968; but only now, during his administration, did their cunningly concealed job-killing effects suddenly explode.
And does he have the proper equipment to handle these challenges? Sadly, no. Upon assuming the presidency, he thought he was "gonna have, like, really cool phones and stuff." But it was not to be. "C'mon guys, I'm the president of the United States! Where's the fancy buttons and stuff and the big screen comes up? It doesn't happen," he poignantly remarked.
Most tragically, just when he's meeting Queen Elizabeth, he gets sucked into a vigorous space-time vortex, pulling him back to 2008. Why else would he possibly date the guest book at Westminster Abbey that way?
Yes, Obama's burdens are indeed great. But not as great as the burden of the American people, stuck with a president who increasingly resembles President Dwayne Camacho of the movie Idiocracy, in his illiterate, illogical lunacy.