You might be a left head, if ...

Remember redneck jokes? Blonde jokes? Polish jokes? So --- why don't we have leftie jokes? The United States is infested by out-of-control lefties swarming around the media like body lice. Why don't we scratch where it itches?

To start making up for our humor deficit, here are a few starting ideas. Please add your own. Extra points for funny.  
"You might be a left head if...

  • You can't tell "it's" from "its."
  • Your mind cuts out after one tweet a day.
  • You think "like" is part of English grammar.
  • You believe Jerk Rap is better than Mozart.
  • You feel sure that 2 + 2 equals 5 in some cultures.
  • You think snowstorms prove global warming.
  • You believe God is dead but Karl Marx lives.
  • You secretly think human history started when you woke up in high school.
  • You've had at least twelve years of education, but you can't read, write, add, subtract, multiply or divide, or make any sense.
  • Your eyes glaze over when somebody talks facts and logic.
  • You never liked history because it has too many dates.
  • You're twelve years old and feel ready to have a baby.
  • You think undocumented immigrants lost their documents someplace.
  • You think blacks can't be racists.
  • You consider Al Sharpton to be a spiritual leader.
  • You want to spend your life doing good for humanity, but you can't stand math, science, business, accounting, agriculture, economics or engineering. Or work.
  • You think the Nazis were conservatives.
  • You're sure you're a Progressive but can't explain what that means. If anything.
  • You believe Karl Marx gave human rights to women, blacks, and gays.
  • You think the Soviet Union was a good idea.
  • You think the most intellectually stuck president in history is a genius.
  • You think ObamaCare will balance the budget.
  • You think Bill Maher is funny.
  • You think race baiting is a perfectly good political argument.
  • You believe anything in the New York Times. Anything. A-n-y-t-h-i-n-g.
  • You know in your heart that people who don't agree with you are evil, racist, sexist, gay-hating, and Islamophobes.
  • You think America deserved 9/11.
  • You're scared about Islamophobia, but not about suicide bombers with nukes.
  • You believe Christians should not be allowed to criticize Muslims.
  • You think it's ok for Hamas to kill families in Israel, but it's not ok for Israel to strike Hamas.
  • You think that all drugs should be legalized, because people will use less of them if they're cheap and legal.
  • You think Christians are evil, but Muslim terrorists deserve more sympathy and understanding.
  • You think the media tell the truth.
  • You think Obama never tells a lie.

Next time:

How to be a media-celebrated idiot savant.
Remember redneck jokes? Blonde jokes? Polish jokes? So --- why don't we have leftie jokes? The United States is infested by out-of-control lefties swarming around the media like body lice. Why don't we scratch where it itches?

To start making up for our humor deficit, here are a few starting ideas. Please add your own. Extra points for funny.  
"You might be a left head if...

  • You can't tell "it's" from "its."
  • Your mind cuts out after one tweet a day.
  • You think "like" is part of English grammar.
  • You believe Jerk Rap is better than Mozart.
  • You feel sure that 2 + 2 equals 5 in some cultures.
  • You think snowstorms prove global warming.
  • You believe God is dead but Karl Marx lives.
  • You secretly think human history started when you woke up in high school.
  • You've had at least twelve years of education, but you can't read, write, add, subtract, multiply or divide, or make any sense.
  • Your eyes glaze over when somebody talks facts and logic.
  • You never liked history because it has too many dates.
  • You're twelve years old and feel ready to have a baby.
  • You think undocumented immigrants lost their documents someplace.
  • You think blacks can't be racists.
  • You consider Al Sharpton to be a spiritual leader.
  • You want to spend your life doing good for humanity, but you can't stand math, science, business, accounting, agriculture, economics or engineering. Or work.
  • You think the Nazis were conservatives.
  • You're sure you're a Progressive but can't explain what that means. If anything.
  • You believe Karl Marx gave human rights to women, blacks, and gays.
  • You think the Soviet Union was a good idea.
  • You think the most intellectually stuck president in history is a genius.
  • You think ObamaCare will balance the budget.
  • You think Bill Maher is funny.
  • You think race baiting is a perfectly good political argument.
  • You believe anything in the New York Times. Anything. A-n-y-t-h-i-n-g.
  • You know in your heart that people who don't agree with you are evil, racist, sexist, gay-hating, and Islamophobes.
  • You think America deserved 9/11.
  • You're scared about Islamophobia, but not about suicide bombers with nukes.
  • You believe Christians should not be allowed to criticize Muslims.
  • You think it's ok for Hamas to kill families in Israel, but it's not ok for Israel to strike Hamas.
  • You think that all drugs should be legalized, because people will use less of them if they're cheap and legal.
  • You think Christians are evil, but Muslim terrorists deserve more sympathy and understanding.
  • You think the media tell the truth.
  • You think Obama never tells a lie.

Next time:

How to be a media-celebrated idiot savant.

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