Stammering the Future

President Obama may not sound very smart to you and his policies may not seem to make any sense, but that's entirely your fault.  You may think that when Obama stammers he is merely searching his vast brainy database for what he thinks you want to hear.  Or you may think Obama is trying to camouflage his true thoughts and his inner core beliefs when he stutters.  Or you may think that he is being disingenuous and evasive when his speech is halted by his internal search for the "right" things to say. 

But something deeper is happening in Obama's cerebellum. Obama's computer like database mind is merely trying to weave together the exact words and phrases that we mere voters can understand; much like an adult relating the complex to an upset child. Welcome to the "new normal."

How could it be that "the one we have been waiting for" is afflicted with the terrible malady of stammering?  History can teach us some valuable lessons. Despite Charlton Heston's clean and articulate portrayal of Moses, Moses himself was not a good speaker.  Moses even complained to God that he did not have the gift for gab.  Moses asked God on several occasions why the hell He would choose Moses, of all people, to relay God's Word.  Moses didn't even have a teleprompter for God's sake!  So God relented and appointed a spokesman and interpreter for Moses.  And forevermore we can thank God and Moses for giving us the foundation for our laws, (even if we do need mouthpiece lawyers to interpret them for us.)  Another example of a great brain afflicted with a poor mouth was King George VI.  Like Obama, King George could not spit anything out that didn't sound stupid.  And like Bruce Willis, King George overcame his speech impediment and went on to Hollywood where he won the Academy Award.

But unlike King George and Moses, Obama's intellectual affliction only seems to arise when he is put on the spot at a town hall or during an interview under mild questioning.   Obama never stutters when picking winners and losers in college basketball, for example.  Obama never stammers when his teleprompter is plugged in. This would seem to put the lie to Meghan Daum's recent thesis in the LA Times, Meghan argues that Obama is so darned smart that his mouth simply cannot keep up with his brain.   Hence Obama's halting and stammer filled speech pattern is not unlike other intellectuals such as William F. Buckley.  So while Obama may sound like any old idiot leftist professor, he is actually smarter than you because he stutters.   In fact, if you cannot fully grasp the soundness of Obama's speeches or policies then you are just too stupid to appreciate Obama's thoughtful braininess. 

Obama may over come his stammering and, along with killing bin Laden, this will come as a big relief to us all.   But Obama may never cure his annoying whistling lisps.  It grates on your nerves like a burned out florescent light or a cheap tin teapot.  Obama's whistling lisps sound terribly hissy.   (Say that three times fast!)  It sounds as if Obama is missing a tooth or has ill fitting dentures.   Forgive me for pointing it out because now Obama's lipseedoodles and whistling S's may bug you endlessly too.   But really, can we afford another four years of a rehash of Obama's leaky tire sounding speeches?  After all, public polling has got to be abysmal for hissy politicians with a record full of empty wispy lisp speeches. Just ask the Queen.   

President Obama may not sound very smart to you and his policies may not seem to make any sense, but that's entirely your fault.  You may think that when Obama stammers he is merely searching his vast brainy database for what he thinks you want to hear.  Or you may think Obama is trying to camouflage his true thoughts and his inner core beliefs when he stutters.  Or you may think that he is being disingenuous and evasive when his speech is halted by his internal search for the "right" things to say. 

But something deeper is happening in Obama's cerebellum. Obama's computer like database mind is merely trying to weave together the exact words and phrases that we mere voters can understand; much like an adult relating the complex to an upset child. Welcome to the "new normal."

How could it be that "the one we have been waiting for" is afflicted with the terrible malady of stammering?  History can teach us some valuable lessons. Despite Charlton Heston's clean and articulate portrayal of Moses, Moses himself was not a good speaker.  Moses even complained to God that he did not have the gift for gab.  Moses asked God on several occasions why the hell He would choose Moses, of all people, to relay God's Word.  Moses didn't even have a teleprompter for God's sake!  So God relented and appointed a spokesman and interpreter for Moses.  And forevermore we can thank God and Moses for giving us the foundation for our laws, (even if we do need mouthpiece lawyers to interpret them for us.)  Another example of a great brain afflicted with a poor mouth was King George VI.  Like Obama, King George could not spit anything out that didn't sound stupid.  And like Bruce Willis, King George overcame his speech impediment and went on to Hollywood where he won the Academy Award.

But unlike King George and Moses, Obama's intellectual affliction only seems to arise when he is put on the spot at a town hall or during an interview under mild questioning.   Obama never stutters when picking winners and losers in college basketball, for example.  Obama never stammers when his teleprompter is plugged in. This would seem to put the lie to Meghan Daum's recent thesis in the LA Times, Meghan argues that Obama is so darned smart that his mouth simply cannot keep up with his brain.   Hence Obama's halting and stammer filled speech pattern is not unlike other intellectuals such as William F. Buckley.  So while Obama may sound like any old idiot leftist professor, he is actually smarter than you because he stutters.   In fact, if you cannot fully grasp the soundness of Obama's speeches or policies then you are just too stupid to appreciate Obama's thoughtful braininess. 

Obama may over come his stammering and, along with killing bin Laden, this will come as a big relief to us all.   But Obama may never cure his annoying whistling lisps.  It grates on your nerves like a burned out florescent light or a cheap tin teapot.  Obama's whistling lisps sound terribly hissy.   (Say that three times fast!)  It sounds as if Obama is missing a tooth or has ill fitting dentures.   Forgive me for pointing it out because now Obama's lipseedoodles and whistling S's may bug you endlessly too.   But really, can we afford another four years of a rehash of Obama's leaky tire sounding speeches?  After all, public polling has got to be abysmal for hissy politicians with a record full of empty wispy lisp speeches. Just ask the Queen.