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November 22, 2010
Tales of 57 States: Giving Thanks For The Court Jester
As the Festival of the Turkey drew nigh, there was cause to be thankful for humor within the Realm of 57 States, though precious little.
There was, for example, the once famous thespian Hanoi Jane, who long ago danced before the Emperor Ho when Ho's soldiers fought against the 57 States. Now advanced in years, Jane adorned herself in leopard leotards and appeared again in public, so as to proclaim to the people of the Realm, "See me? I live still, enhanced by hard exercise and good chemistry."
And the people applauded, some anyway, for during the reign of His Obamaness, events worthy of laughter were scarce throughout the land.
It was then, too, that one man did nearly single-handedly offer the commoners uproarious entertainment from the City of the Ruling Class, of all places. So much laughter did he create, and so often, that some called him The Human Whoopi Cushion. Others likened him to a Gaffe Machine -- referring to his ability to utter wondrously blunderous sayings, at will.
When this man spoke, the terminally humorless would say, "He's as dumb as a post." And, "Get the hook!" But many people would applaud this gift of laughter he gave to the people, hungry for it.
This man, so adept at bringing comic relief to a people burdened by life during the reign of His Obamaness, was named Joe the Court Jester.
Joe, for short, had once been a Senator from a tiny state that choose as his successor another jester, of much lesser talents, who often bragged, "I was once a great warrior against Emperor Ho." The people of the tiny state, knowing that he spoke in jest, asked each other, "Is he not worthy to sit where Joe once sat and entertain us?" But I digress.
His Obamaness chose Joe the Jester to be his Vice Emperor because, as the late thespian Danny Kaye said while playing the role of the Court Jester Hawkins in the movie The Court Jester, "A jester unemployed is nobody's fool."
And so it came to pass that Joe sat at the right hand of His Obamaness, sharing in the great counselors' meetings where the wise men and woman of the Realm would deliberate upon the weighty matters that influenced the lives of all the serfs and peasants. When industrial-strength discussions made the burden almost too much to bear for those around the great table, even too heavy for Himself who was heralded by the Donkey Clan and Town Criers alike -- although they were often one and the same -- as being the most brilliant mind in the entire Realm, His Obamaness would give Joe a nudge, awaken him from musing on his good fortune of being employed as every body's fool, and ask, "So wassup with you, Joe?"
And, lo and behold, with little prompting and no preparation, Joe would say something wondrously funny and much to the delight of all within hearing. Well, some anyway.
Thus, it was to no one a surprise when Joe jested while being interviewed by a Town Crier thought by many to be the oldest living man in the 57 States: Sir Lawrence the King of Criers. Although, like Jane, advanced in years, Lawrence had never been seen wearing leopard leotards. Which doesn't mean he hadn't...only that seeing him in leopard leotards would have been found displeasing, even in the eyes of the blind. Lawrence preferred red suspenders.
Anyway, during one of his rare occasions of speaking with Sir Lawrence, one of only 49 such times, Joe the Jester spoke of Hamid Karzai, a man whose family owned several restaurants on the East Coast of the Realm and who was, at the time, the President of all of Afghanistan found within the walls of his presidential palace, and not a whole lot more.
When Sir Lawrence asked Joe about Hamid the Afghan, Joe displayed his verbal dexterity at juggling metaphors saying, "Ya gotta' play the cards you're dealt. And pretty soon, Daddy's goin' to be takin' the training wheels off Hamid's bike." "So who's the joker in that deck?" some asked.
And so it that Joe offered yet another opportunity during the time of Thanksgiving to be grateful for his blunderously funny jesting.
Oh, by the way, there is no record of Hanoi Jane ever having danced for Hamid the Afghan, nor of Sir Lawrence the King proposing that Jane be his 32nd wife. But there's still time.