Tales from 57 States: His Obamaness Addresses the Currylanders

Kyle-Anne Shiver & Lee Cary
Now it came to pass that when His Obamaness spoke before the gathered ruling class of Curryland, two former circus performers of diminutive stature stood, one at His left and one at His right side. And, as He prepared to speak, each of the vertically-challenged held up, in unison, high above his low head, a scroll on which were written the demigod-like oracles that Himself would speak to the Curryland leaders.

Seeing this, many Currylanders learned, for the first time, that His Obamaness, who had appeared from across the sea to be speaking to the People of the Realm of 57 States from his heart, was actually reading words held above the heads of the two men of diminutive stature, one at his right...and, well, you know where. 

Alas, it was at that very moment that some Currylanders first realized that His Obamaness spoke not from the heart, but from His prepared scrolls held high by...well, you know who. And so it came to pass that the Currylanders understood why, when speaking, His head turned from side-to-side, seldom looking forward. For he looked, left and then right, not to grace all with his oracles, but so that he could read from both scrolls, and just seem to be speaking to the peasants and serfs.

This was back in the days when many said, foolishly, that perception was more important than reality. Until, that is, Master Yoda taught us that, "Through experience, reality aligns, it does, with perception. And then, young Jedi, wisdom dawns, it does." Yoda, by the way, never held up a scroll for someone else to read, nor would he. But I digress.      

Unaccustomed to seeing such a thing, some Currylanders said, "Oh, yes, that is indeed odd."  While others remarked, "He is like the wind-up dolls made in the next kingdom over, in the Land of the Panda, that turn their heads from side-to-side, too, and say, ‘Hello, my name is Lucy. What is your name? Please change my diaper.'"

As His Obamaness glided through Curryland, shielded within a phalanx of strong bodyguards and adoring Town Criers from many nations, he smiled and waved to the Currylanders from side-to-side, yet the two men of diminutive stature where nowhere to be seen.  Some said, "Behold, His Obamaness waves and smiles without assistance!"

In Curryland there are many with wealth, but there were also many with little to eat, who, when seeing a rich stranger, would beg for sustenance.  It was of such unfortunates that Himself often spoke when he said, "We are our brothers' keepers."

As Hisownself's wondrous caravan glided through Curryland, the unfortunates were kept away from His presence. But that was to be expected, since all knew that His Obamaness had a half-brother named George living in a hut in the land called Kenya, which, like Curryland, was also a place once ruled by the people called Limeys because, as they sailed their ships across oceans and conquered peoples, they used slices of limes to flavor their foul-tasting Dos Equis beer and avoid scurvy.

His Obamaness harbored ill-will toward the Limeys, but that's a tale for another day.
Now it came to pass that when His Obamaness spoke before the gathered ruling class of Curryland, two former circus performers of diminutive stature stood, one at His left and one at His right side. And, as He prepared to speak, each of the vertically-challenged held up, in unison, high above his low head, a scroll on which were written the demigod-like oracles that Himself would speak to the Curryland leaders.

Seeing this, many Currylanders learned, for the first time, that His Obamaness, who had appeared from across the sea to be speaking to the People of the Realm of 57 States from his heart, was actually reading words held above the heads of the two men of diminutive stature, one at his right...and, well, you know where. 

Alas, it was at that very moment that some Currylanders first realized that His Obamaness spoke not from the heart, but from His prepared scrolls held high by...well, you know who. And so it came to pass that the Currylanders understood why, when speaking, His head turned from side-to-side, seldom looking forward. For he looked, left and then right, not to grace all with his oracles, but so that he could read from both scrolls, and just seem to be speaking to the peasants and serfs.

This was back in the days when many said, foolishly, that perception was more important than reality. Until, that is, Master Yoda taught us that, "Through experience, reality aligns, it does, with perception. And then, young Jedi, wisdom dawns, it does." Yoda, by the way, never held up a scroll for someone else to read, nor would he. But I digress.      

Unaccustomed to seeing such a thing, some Currylanders said, "Oh, yes, that is indeed odd."  While others remarked, "He is like the wind-up dolls made in the next kingdom over, in the Land of the Panda, that turn their heads from side-to-side, too, and say, ‘Hello, my name is Lucy. What is your name? Please change my diaper.'"

As His Obamaness glided through Curryland, shielded within a phalanx of strong bodyguards and adoring Town Criers from many nations, he smiled and waved to the Currylanders from side-to-side, yet the two men of diminutive stature where nowhere to be seen.  Some said, "Behold, His Obamaness waves and smiles without assistance!"

In Curryland there are many with wealth, but there were also many with little to eat, who, when seeing a rich stranger, would beg for sustenance.  It was of such unfortunates that Himself often spoke when he said, "We are our brothers' keepers."

As Hisownself's wondrous caravan glided through Curryland, the unfortunates were kept away from His presence. But that was to be expected, since all knew that His Obamaness had a half-brother named George living in a hut in the land called Kenya, which, like Curryland, was also a place once ruled by the people called Limeys because, as they sailed their ships across oceans and conquered peoples, they used slices of limes to flavor their foul-tasting Dos Equis beer and avoid scurvy.

His Obamaness harbored ill-will toward the Limeys, but that's a tale for another day.