A Bare-knuckled Locker-room Nudist for Chicago Mayor?

J. Robert Smith
Now that Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley has announced that his reign - err, tenure - as Chicago mayor is coming to a close, rumors are swirling among Chicagoans about possible candidates to replace his highness, Mr. Daley.

One name that has bobbed to the top of the list is none other than Obama Chief of Staff, Washington insider, and former Chicago Congressman Rahm Emanuel - a.k.a., the U.S. House of Representatives' notoriously thuggish locker-room nudist. 

As most may recall, Emanuel, a former ballerina turned Capone tough guy was outed by oddball ex-Democratic Congressman Eric Massa for Emanuel's naked confrontations with uncooperative members of the Party of FDR in the House gym showers.  Massa knows because he was on the receiving end of one of Emanuel's in-your-face, finger-wagging, expletive-laced dressing downs.

Now, no one likes a bully, except, evidently, those to whom bullies are quite useful, namely the President of the United States, and, previously, the current Speaker of the House, the grandmotherly Nancy Pelosi, who counted Emanuel as a capo and chief enforcer while he served in the U.S. House.

Sans the nudism, Emanuel's bully-boy tactics seem a natural fit for Chicago's mayoralty.  Chicago politics from the top down are about fist sandwiches, arm-breaking (if the twisting fails), and anything else that can be done physically or otherwise to bend the recalcitrant to the will of the Maxim Leader - or Chicago mayor, if you prefer. 

But Emanuel is no mere naked Scarface.  Emanuel's White House track record of success means there's some heft that goes with the cussing and chest-poking.  Chicago voters should be mighty impressed the way Emanuel has guided his fellow Chicagoan and boss, Barack Obama, in making a big city mess out of the United States' economy.  The wise and shrewd Emanuel - along with the wiser and shrewder Obama (or so goes the hype) - are spending, borrowing, taxing and regulating the national economy to the brink of disaster.  What better way to prove you can run a big city than by ruining a nation? 

It remains to be seen if Emanuel will throw his hat into Chicago's mayoral race - a hat being the only thing the oft disrobed Emanuel may routinely wear.  But a word of advice to Chicago pols: If Emanuel runs and wins the mayor's job, stay out of the gym showers at city hall - unless you want to be on the receiving end a naked mayor's wrath.  Oh, and don't ever call Emanuel "Twinkle Toes."    

 



 

 

Now that Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley has announced that his reign - err, tenure - as Chicago mayor is coming to a close, rumors are swirling among Chicagoans about possible candidates to replace his highness, Mr. Daley.

One name that has bobbed to the top of the list is none other than Obama Chief of Staff, Washington insider, and former Chicago Congressman Rahm Emanuel - a.k.a., the U.S. House of Representatives' notoriously thuggish locker-room nudist. 

As most may recall, Emanuel, a former ballerina turned Capone tough guy was outed by oddball ex-Democratic Congressman Eric Massa for Emanuel's naked confrontations with uncooperative members of the Party of FDR in the House gym showers.  Massa knows because he was on the receiving end of one of Emanuel's in-your-face, finger-wagging, expletive-laced dressing downs.

Now, no one likes a bully, except, evidently, those to whom bullies are quite useful, namely the President of the United States, and, previously, the current Speaker of the House, the grandmotherly Nancy Pelosi, who counted Emanuel as a capo and chief enforcer while he served in the U.S. House.

Sans the nudism, Emanuel's bully-boy tactics seem a natural fit for Chicago's mayoralty.  Chicago politics from the top down are about fist sandwiches, arm-breaking (if the twisting fails), and anything else that can be done physically or otherwise to bend the recalcitrant to the will of the Maxim Leader - or Chicago mayor, if you prefer. 

But Emanuel is no mere naked Scarface.  Emanuel's White House track record of success means there's some heft that goes with the cussing and chest-poking.  Chicago voters should be mighty impressed the way Emanuel has guided his fellow Chicagoan and boss, Barack Obama, in making a big city mess out of the United States' economy.  The wise and shrewd Emanuel - along with the wiser and shrewder Obama (or so goes the hype) - are spending, borrowing, taxing and regulating the national economy to the brink of disaster.  What better way to prove you can run a big city than by ruining a nation? 

It remains to be seen if Emanuel will throw his hat into Chicago's mayoral race - a hat being the only thing the oft disrobed Emanuel may routinely wear.  But a word of advice to Chicago pols: If Emanuel runs and wins the mayor's job, stay out of the gym showers at city hall - unless you want to be on the receiving end a naked mayor's wrath.  Oh, and don't ever call Emanuel "Twinkle Toes."