I commend to you the fine blog, Villainous Company, that has an excellent write-up on the "Don't Ask Don't Tell" question that is currently before the Administration.
The creator of Villainous Company is self described as a "Dyspeptic Marine wife/tech wench" who "attempts to enlighten the great unwashed of the blogosphere while dodging snarky commentary from the local knavery."
My own opinions about both women and gays openly serving in the military have undergone a radical shift during the last thirty years. I began by seeing no reason why both women and gays shouldn't be able to serve anywhere they wished to. What changed my mind over the years, contrary to the bigoted assertions of close minded individuals who refuse even to entertain ideas that challenge their world view, was not misogyny or fear of The Gay.
It was over 30 years of observing real human behavior. What changed my mind was repeated demonstrations of a basic fact: in real life (which is a very different realm from the utopian, best case scenarios of would be reformers), people don't always behave well. And though most people are good, decent, and responsible it takes only a small number who behave otherwise to cause significant problems for the rest of us.
Read the whole thing. The comments that follow are also good.