Mixed Marriage

Carol Brown
No, I'm not referring to marriages between blacks and whites, or Christians and Jews. I'm talking about marriages where one person is liberal and the other is conservative. To be more specific, I'm writing about my own marriage and I invite my esteemed AT readers to offer their advice.

My husband and I were liberal Democrats for most of our lives. On occasion we used to talk about couples who were not politically aligned and wondered how they dealt with that in their relationship. Did they argue? Did they just not talk politics? Were they able to have interesting discussions and then agree to disagree? Did one sway the other's opinion over time? It was a puzzle.

Now I find that I am in one of those relationships! In recent years, I have moved farther and farther to the right and now find that I am quite conservative on most issues. My husband, however, has remained for the most part, liberal.

It's difficult, to say the least.

For me, a person's politics says a lot about the person. Their politics is not just some abstract idea floating out there separate from who they are at their core. Politics reflects a person's world view, their values, their biases, and so forth. So I find it difficult to just agree to disagree. Our now different perspectives bug me. I struggle with crossing a line whereby I'm trying to convince him to see my point of view. I wouldn't want someone proselytizing to me, so I try to rein things in when I get into political conversations. But it's hard. I feel he's wrong and want to help him see the light. (Not to mention, sometimes I just feel appalled.) At the same time, I realize he may well feel that way about my views.

Did I say that it's difficult?

And so I invite my fellow readers to put in their two cents about how best to manage situations where spouses do not hold the same political views. Your comments, personal experiences, perspective and opinions would be most welcome.
No, I'm not referring to marriages between blacks and whites, or Christians and Jews. I'm talking about marriages where one person is liberal and the other is conservative. To be more specific, I'm writing about my own marriage and I invite my esteemed AT readers to offer their advice.

My husband and I were liberal Democrats for most of our lives. On occasion we used to talk about couples who were not politically aligned and wondered how they dealt with that in their relationship. Did they argue? Did they just not talk politics? Were they able to have interesting discussions and then agree to disagree? Did one sway the other's opinion over time? It was a puzzle.

Now I find that I am in one of those relationships! In recent years, I have moved farther and farther to the right and now find that I am quite conservative on most issues. My husband, however, has remained for the most part, liberal.

It's difficult, to say the least.

For me, a person's politics says a lot about the person. Their politics is not just some abstract idea floating out there separate from who they are at their core. Politics reflects a person's world view, their values, their biases, and so forth. So I find it difficult to just agree to disagree. Our now different perspectives bug me. I struggle with crossing a line whereby I'm trying to convince him to see my point of view. I wouldn't want someone proselytizing to me, so I try to rein things in when I get into political conversations. But it's hard. I feel he's wrong and want to help him see the light. (Not to mention, sometimes I just feel appalled.) At the same time, I realize he may well feel that way about my views.

Did I say that it's difficult?

And so I invite my fellow readers to put in their two cents about how best to manage situations where spouses do not hold the same political views. Your comments, personal experiences, perspective and opinions would be most welcome.