A Partial Lexicon of Current Political Speech

Kyle-Anne Shiver & Lee Cary
Here’s a partial lexicon of contemporary political speech for AT readers. Feel free to add to it in the comment section.

Unemployment rate – This is a virtual number roughly equivalent to half the actual number of people who are unemployed.

“…for the American people.” – Usually coming at the end of the sentence, it’s a prepositional phrase that signals that the American people are about to get hosed, again.

Investment – When applied to government spending, it refers to government expenditures that will multiply the spending party’s power and influence with minimal return-on-investment to the taxpayers.

Unsustainable debt – This refers to the debt level immediately before additional debt is incurred, which becomes post-unsustainable debt, and eventually bankruptcy. (See California and New York.)

Jobless Recovery – This is an oxymoron used to explain why the unemployment rate continues to climb when a “recovery” is allegedly underway. Like touch less sex (e.g., Bill Clinton’s phone sex with Monica), it is existential foolishness that, for credibility, relies on the reasonable notion that unemployment is a lagging indicator of a recovery. But as most often used by politicians today, it’s like saying, “I’m not sick anymore, but I’m still vomiting an awful lot.”

Options, Choices – As it pertains to the proposed healthcare bills, these often interchangeable words signal a concerted effort to minimize, and eventually eliminate, options and choices.

Affordable – A word that, when attached to a proposed piece of federal legislation, signals that anyone with an ounce of economic common sense recognizes the venture as unaffordable.

Transform – In the current political environment it means to socialize, or collectivize, by placing authority to manage the venture under federal government control.  It’s often used interchangeably with “reform.”

Bipartisan – A situation when 1-3 “moderate” Republicans vote with Democrats. (Used most recently by Obama Press Secretary Bob Gibbs in referring to the House-passed healthcare reform bill as a “bipartisan” effort.)

Moderate – A politician with no discernable or consistent political philosophy, although they tend to break Left when not drifting with the wind. Most often used to refer to Republicans. (See Senators Snowe, Collins, Graham, et al.)

Lower costs – When applied to federal government expenditures, it means higher costs.
Republican Strategist/Democrat Strategist – Underemployed partisan 30-somethings who remain on standby to appear on cable TV news shows where they enthusiastically share their vast political wisdom with the ignorant public before returning to their pizza delivery jobs or entry level positions in marketing firms.

Share the wealth – It means to confiscate wealth from some in order to give it to others in the expectation that the others will express their gratitude to the party executing the transfer, or wealth sharing, during the next election. It’s somewhat similar to “redistribution of income,” and is a cousin of “fair.”

Pay-go – A hyphenated word that purports to be a linguistic promise of a balanced federal budget when it actually means the taxpayers will continue to “pay” through the nose, and if they don’t like it they can “go” fish.

Hope and Change – There are classic comfort words coupled together to enable the hearer to attach their personal fond wishes for the future onto a superior being’s ability to deliver whatever the hearer defines as “hope and change.”  The actualization of hope and change lays somewhere over the rainbow, next to the pot of gold, inside the Lost Dutchman’s mine, next to the Holy Grail.  
 

Here’s a partial lexicon of contemporary political speech for AT readers. Feel free to add to it in the comment section.

Unemployment rate – This is a virtual number roughly equivalent to half the actual number of people who are unemployed.

“…for the American people.” – Usually coming at the end of the sentence, it’s a prepositional phrase that signals that the American people are about to get hosed, again.

Investment – When applied to government spending, it refers to government expenditures that will multiply the spending party’s power and influence with minimal return-on-investment to the taxpayers.

Unsustainable debt – This refers to the debt level immediately before additional debt is incurred, which becomes post-unsustainable debt, and eventually bankruptcy. (See California and New York.)

Jobless Recovery – This is an oxymoron used to explain why the unemployment rate continues to climb when a “recovery” is allegedly underway. Like touch less sex (e.g., Bill Clinton’s phone sex with Monica), it is existential foolishness that, for credibility, relies on the reasonable notion that unemployment is a lagging indicator of a recovery. But as most often used by politicians today, it’s like saying, “I’m not sick anymore, but I’m still vomiting an awful lot.”

Options, Choices – As it pertains to the proposed healthcare bills, these often interchangeable words signal a concerted effort to minimize, and eventually eliminate, options and choices.

Affordable – A word that, when attached to a proposed piece of federal legislation, signals that anyone with an ounce of economic common sense recognizes the venture as unaffordable.

Transform – In the current political environment it means to socialize, or collectivize, by placing authority to manage the venture under federal government control.  It’s often used interchangeably with “reform.”

Bipartisan – A situation when 1-3 “moderate” Republicans vote with Democrats. (Used most recently by Obama Press Secretary Bob Gibbs in referring to the House-passed healthcare reform bill as a “bipartisan” effort.)

Moderate – A politician with no discernable or consistent political philosophy, although they tend to break Left when not drifting with the wind. Most often used to refer to Republicans. (See Senators Snowe, Collins, Graham, et al.)

Lower costs – When applied to federal government expenditures, it means higher costs.
Republican Strategist/Democrat Strategist – Underemployed partisan 30-somethings who remain on standby to appear on cable TV news shows where they enthusiastically share their vast political wisdom with the ignorant public before returning to their pizza delivery jobs or entry level positions in marketing firms.

Share the wealth – It means to confiscate wealth from some in order to give it to others in the expectation that the others will express their gratitude to the party executing the transfer, or wealth sharing, during the next election. It’s somewhat similar to “redistribution of income,” and is a cousin of “fair.”

Pay-go – A hyphenated word that purports to be a linguistic promise of a balanced federal budget when it actually means the taxpayers will continue to “pay” through the nose, and if they don’t like it they can “go” fish.

Hope and Change – There are classic comfort words coupled together to enable the hearer to attach their personal fond wishes for the future onto a superior being’s ability to deliver whatever the hearer defines as “hope and change.”  The actualization of hope and change lays somewhere over the rainbow, next to the pot of gold, inside the Lost Dutchman’s mine, next to the Holy Grail.