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May 17, 2009
Sister Pelosi meets a Water Board
(retold by S. E. Schlosser, edited by Paul Shlichta)
A beloved American folk tale, updated for the Speaker.
..."Good Morning," said Sister Pelosi, doffing her hat. "Nice weather we're having."
The water board said nothing. Brer Hoyer laid low and grinned an evil grin.
Sister Pelosi tried again. "And how are you feeling this fine day?"
The water board said nothing. Brer Hoyer grinned an evil grin and lay low in the bushes.
Sister Pelosi frowned. This strange creature was not very polite. It was beginning to make her mad.
"Ahem!" said Sister Pelosi loudly, wondering if the water board were deaf. "I said 'HOW ARE YOU THIS MORNING?"
The water board said nothing. Brer Hoyer curled up into a ball to hide his laugher. His plan was working perfectly!
"Are you deaf or just rude?" demanded Sister Pelosi, losing her temper. "I can't stand folks that are stuck up! You take off that hat and say 'Howdy-do' or I'm going to give you such a lickin'!"
The water board just sat in the middle of the road looking as cute as a button and saying nothing at all. Sister Fox rolled over and over under the bushes, fit to bust because he didn't dare laugh out loud.
"I'll learn ya!" Sister Pelosi yelled. She took a swing at the water board and her paw got stuck in the tar.
"Lemme go or I'll hit you again," shouted Sister Pelosi. The water board said nothing.
"Fine! Be that way," said Sister Pelosi, swinging at the water board with her free paw. Now both her paws were stuck in the tar, and Brer Hoyer danced with glee behind the bushes.
"I'm gonna kick the stuffin' out of you," Sister Pelosi said and pounced on the water board with both feet. They sank deep into the water board. Sister Pelosi was so furious she head-butted the little creature until she was completely covered with tar and unable to move....