Tales from the 57 States: His Obamaness in Europa

During the salad days of his reign as POTUS, His Obamaness made a pilgrimage to Europa to sit with the rulers from many wealthy kingdoms.

On his journey there, Himself was accompanied by a great entourage of town criers, attendants, courtiers, and sycophants, in numbers so great as to require the company of palace chefs, casks of fine wine, and a herd of cattle to satisfy their requirements for sustenance during the long trek to the Old World.

Upon his arrival, His Obamaness was greeted by a great throng of town criers from many kingdoms. Like the criers in His own land, they heaped lavish praise upon Him and wrote with much admiration of his pending success in the great gathering of rulers to come.

But, alas, not all that transpired there was greeted with a glad heart by Himself.

In a far-off land a fierce battle was underway against those His Obamaness called the Tally Band, and their allies, the followers of His Osamaness.  His Obamaness hoped that, with his wondrous words, he could convince the rulers to dispatch their finest swordsmen-of-valor to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with His warriors.   

But it was not to be. For the rulers said, “Seeing how well you are served by a large entourage of courtiers, we will send a few more scribes, cooks, storekeepers and launderers to render assistance, but, alas, no swordsmen.” They added, “It is our hope, your Obamaness, that they will bring change to the battle there.” And they smiled, warmly.

As His Obamaness’ visit to Europa neared its end, he spoke to a great throng of people and pledged to rid the world of the Great Swords of Death. But it happened that, as He spoke these wondrous words, heard with much favor by the peoples there, there was another ruler in a land where few lights shine at night. He also lusted after the attention of the town criers - Kim the Great Golfer, who spent his idle time fiddling with pyrotechnics.

And it was that Kim was bold to ignore the warnings of another gathering of kingdoms called The Peoples United To Talk. They had warned Kim that, if he lit up his nation’s darkness with his giant bottle rocket, they would gather to talk about him, and not with gracious words.

But, deaf to their warning, Kim fired up his bottle rocket and lit the darkness of his country, for a moment anyway.

[Hat tip: Gerald Baker, Times of London]

Upon hearing of this, His Obamaness spoke ill of Kim. But Kim merely shrugged his shoulders and said, “I think I’ll go play golf and shoot my customary holes-in-one. Yes, I can.”  And he smiled, warmly.


During the salad days of his reign as POTUS, His Obamaness made a pilgrimage to Europa to sit with the rulers from many wealthy kingdoms.

On his journey there, Himself was accompanied by a great entourage of town criers, attendants, courtiers, and sycophants, in numbers so great as to require the company of palace chefs, casks of fine wine, and a herd of cattle to satisfy their requirements for sustenance during the long trek to the Old World.

Upon his arrival, His Obamaness was greeted by a great throng of town criers from many kingdoms. Like the criers in His own land, they heaped lavish praise upon Him and wrote with much admiration of his pending success in the great gathering of rulers to come.

But, alas, not all that transpired there was greeted with a glad heart by Himself.

In a far-off land a fierce battle was underway against those His Obamaness called the Tally Band, and their allies, the followers of His Osamaness.  His Obamaness hoped that, with his wondrous words, he could convince the rulers to dispatch their finest swordsmen-of-valor to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with His warriors.   

But it was not to be. For the rulers said, “Seeing how well you are served by a large entourage of courtiers, we will send a few more scribes, cooks, storekeepers and launderers to render assistance, but, alas, no swordsmen.” They added, “It is our hope, your Obamaness, that they will bring change to the battle there.” And they smiled, warmly.

As His Obamaness’ visit to Europa neared its end, he spoke to a great throng of people and pledged to rid the world of the Great Swords of Death. But it happened that, as He spoke these wondrous words, heard with much favor by the peoples there, there was another ruler in a land where few lights shine at night. He also lusted after the attention of the town criers - Kim the Great Golfer, who spent his idle time fiddling with pyrotechnics.

And it was that Kim was bold to ignore the warnings of another gathering of kingdoms called The Peoples United To Talk. They had warned Kim that, if he lit up his nation’s darkness with his giant bottle rocket, they would gather to talk about him, and not with gracious words.

But, deaf to their warning, Kim fired up his bottle rocket and lit the darkness of his country, for a moment anyway.

[Hat tip: Gerald Baker, Times of London]

Upon hearing of this, His Obamaness spoke ill of Kim. But Kim merely shrugged his shoulders and said, “I think I’ll go play golf and shoot my customary holes-in-one. Yes, I can.”  And he smiled, warmly.