For those worried about torture...

Bernie Madoff is whining to anyone who'll listen that he's being held captive in his palatial penthouse and unable to traipse around the Big Apple as he did before being busted for running a $50 billion Ponzi scheme, a source familiar with the scam artist told The Post.

"I'm a prisoner in my own house!" Madoff fumed. "I can't go anywhere! I'm stuck here all day!"

Madoff, who effectively is under house arrest as part of his $10 million bail, has been especially agitated that "he can't even go outside just to go to the corner, or get something to eat," the source said.

The source added that it is clear that the disgraced 70-year-old financial maven is feeling sorry for himself while hanging out in his $7 million pad - even as thousands of his victims scramble to avoid bankruptcy, loss of their own homes or worse.

•  Send Bernie your old DVDs--nothing like a good movie to take a sad mind off your troubles.  If you do send Bernie your old movies, make sure it's the ones that will help prepare him for the future, his life in Jail, movies like Wall Street, or Prison Movies, especially those that portray "prison love" like Kiss of a Spiderwoman. 

• Mail Bernie your old books-- when he gets tired of watching DVD's there is nothing like an engaging book.  Bernie loves to read.  I am sending him a book about his future, remember Papillon?  How about one describing his distant future, like Dante's Inferno?

• Music: How about sending Bernie some of your old CDs, nothing soothes the mind like music. Message music is the best, songs like "My Heart Bleeds For You", "You Can't Always Get What You Want", or "Help!"

• Activity Kits: When my kids were much younger I used to buy them activity kits, you know like make your own wallet, picture frame, etc. Maybe someone can send him a make your own license plate kit.