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September 5, 2008

Breaking News: New Intelligence Discovered

Kyle-Anne Shiver & Lee Cary
Last night, September 4, on CNN’s Larry King Live Show, former New York Governor Mario Cuomo announced a startling scientific discovery that is sure to capture the attention of anthropologists and biological scientists around the world.

The announcement came as the talk show personality interviewed a panel of independent political commentators summarizing their observations at the close of the Republican Convention.

The experts included: Robert Gibbs, Senior Advisor, Obama Campaign; Sen. Evan Bayh (D), Indiana; Mayor Gavin Newsom (D), San Francisco; Terry McAuliffe, Former Chair of the Clinton Campaign; Michael Dukakis, the 1988 Democratic presidential nominee and former governor of Massachusetts; Arianna Huffington, Co-Founder and Editor, Huffingtonpost; Katrina Vanden Huevel, editor of The Nation; and, of course, Mario Cuomo, Former Governor of New York, who broke the startling news.  Former President Jimmy Carter was not on the panel.

Without any warning of what was to come, Cuomo said,
He's many things, McCain, but he is not change. He's been around a long time. He's been a hero a long time. God bless him. He's done a lot of wonderful things. But he is not change.

Obama is. He's a new kind of intelligence. He's young and bright. He has a different attitude toward the world, a more cosmopolitan attitude. He's all the things we need. Most of all, those 80 percent of American people are right. We need change. These people are not change. Whatever else they are, they're not change.

This astonishing revelation of “a new kind of intelligence” was apparently substantiated by Vanden Huevel, who added,
But I think we need to move beyond 9/11. John McCain seems uniquely ill qualified. We need somebody who needs to understand, as the Rand Corporation, a bipartisan group, said a few weeks ago, to talk about the war on terror is counterproductive. We need smart intelligence, policing, diplomacy. And John McCain is someone who is militaristic. That is his first instinct, by temperament, by career, by personal history.

Although Governor Cuomo did not provide a descriptive adjective to the newly discovered intelligence, like Artificial Intelligence or Emotional Intelligence, Ms. Vanden Huevel seemed to suggest that is was “Smart” Intelligence.

This discovery has not been confirmed by any reputable researcher or scientist. Developing… 

[Hat tip: Story broke on the Rush Limbaugh Show]

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