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August 1, 2008
Madame Savior of the Planet (a poem)
I'll suffer no challenge from any Republican fool,
For I'm Madame Speaker with divine right to rule.
It was by liberal colleagues that I was appointed;
But it was by God, Himself, that I was anointed.
So scoff all you want at my frozen-faced smile,
And eyes that your headlights pick up for a mile;
With scalpel and botox I've made myself fair,
But the hormones do create some coarse facial hair.
But hormones allow me to rule every day;
I've grown a pair bigger than "Hammer" DeLay.
Don't screw with me Boehner you Republican putz,
Or I'll pull a "Jesse" and whack off your nuts.
As the first woman who has this much power,
I've learned how delicious it is to devour
Congressional wimps with their phony respect,
While all of their bills I've purely shipwrecked.
Take the business of drilling for American oil;
These fools want to pollute our American soil.
I'll tell you right now what their foolish goals are,
To coat California beaches with tar;
But they're dead in the water with un-green behavior;
For I'm Madame Speaker, the world's surest savior.
My resolve is as strong as if chiseled in granite;
I am Nancy Pelosi, and I'm saving this planet.