The Medal of Freedom Free-for All
On the 50th anniversary of President Kennedy's establishment of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, Barack Obama, the guy who's done more to obstruct freedom than any American president in history, will be the one handing out the medals. Having Barack Obama dispense freedom medals is on par with Hitler lighting Shabbat candles or Bill Clinton hosting a couples' seminar on the joys of marital fidelity.
Nonetheless, according to the White House website, the purpose of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, which is the nation's highest civilian honor, is to pay tribute to those who've made "meritorious contributions to the security or national interests of the United States, to world peace, or to cultural or other significant public or private endeavors."
President Obama had this to say about the Medal of Freedom:
The Presidential Medal of Freedom goes to men and women who have dedicated their own lives to enriching ours. This year's honorees have been blessed with extraordinary talent, but what sets them apart is their gift for sharing that talent with the world. It will be my honor to present them with a token of our nation's gratitude.
The individuals due to receive the medal are supposedly selected by the president or recommended to him by the Distinguished Civilian Service Awards Board. Judging from the list, it's easy to see that when choosing the 2013 recipients, Barack Obama was guided by his own personal opinion.
This year's group is made up of the following luminaries: liberal politicians from the left-of-left wing to the just plain old RINO left wing; one liberal journalist, plus a Berkeley-schooled psychologist; a departed Obama-supporting female astronaut and a living Jimmy Carter-supporting coal miner's daughter; a Cuban musician; a Berkeley-schooled Mexican scientist; a black athlete; a female Democrat judge; a deceased LGBT activist; and a couple of civil-rights leaders.
Although the group consists of many standouts, three in particular have Barack Obama's fingerprints all over them, the first being former President Bill Clinton. If Bill Clinton deserves anything, it would be a medal for freeing the Oval Office from the confines of presidential dignity.
While Commander-in-Chief Clinton cavorted with a chubby intern, lied about it, perjured himself under oath, and was impeached, now that the "vast right-wing conspiracy" has been fully exposed, he's one of 16 candidates for a Presidential Medal of Freedom.
Barack Obama had to be behind giving Bill Clinton a medal. After all, what better way for the present occupant of the White House to make his sorry self look good than to give a medal to someone just as sorry?
Therefore, Bill Clinton deserves a Medal of Freedom for freeing Barack Obama from a future of indignity associated with being a God-awful president.
Then there's feminist Gloria Steinem. How she got on the list is a Ms-tery. It must be because Obama respects Gloria for dedicating her life to America's enrichment by fighting for the right to deprive children in the womb of the right to be born.
Seventy-nine-year-old Gloria proudly wears an "I had an abortion" T-shirt, openly boasting about aborting her own child who, had he or she lived, would be 57 years old today.
Ms. Steinem fondly reminisced about that abortion:
I used to sit and try and figure out how old the child would be, trying to make myself feel guilty. But I never could! ... Speaking for myself, I knew it was the first time I had taken responsibility for my own life. I wasn't going to let things happen to me. I was going to direct my life, and therefore it felt positive.
Who can argue with Obama choosing to give a medal to Steinem for being so cold, heartless, and self-serving that she makes a guy who believes in allowing babies born alive in botched abortions to die without warmth, hydration, or oxygen seem like a pillar of compassion?
Hence, Gloria Steinem deserves a Medal of Freedom for decades of freeing fetuses from the wombs of women who refuse to be deterred from directing their own self-absorbed lives.
Last but not least, we have Oprah Winfrey. Besides being a gazillionaire and a media magnate of gargantuan proportions (shh, don't you say it), Oprah was one of Barry's biggest supporters in 2008. She probably secretly credits herself for singlehandedly catapulting Barack Obama from the mean streets of Chicago into the family residence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
Among her many achievements, Oprah is an actress, broadcast journalist, and talk show host who, in a similar way to how Gloria Steinem's dead baby was Gloria's new lease on life, considered the untimely death of the newborn infant she delivered at 14 years old a "second chance."
Oprah Winfrey deserves a Medal of Freedom, all right, but not for her varied accomplishments, nor for her outstanding ability to bring home the bacon. Rather, she should take a medal for involuntarily freeing her false eyelashes from her eyelids during Barack Obama's 2008 acceptance speech in INVESCO Field.
Anyone who can be so moved by Barack Obama's "transcendent" oratory that the salty droplets gushing from her tear ducts dissolves her eyelash glue and destroys a perfectly good set of Ardell Demi Lashes deserves a medal.
Couple the eyelash episode with being identified as Oprah, which sort of resembles the name Obama, and Winfrey may very well have shown up the other 15 recipients and earned herself not one, but two Medals of Freedom.
With the award ceremony months away, there's still time for Commissioner of Liberty Barack Obama to hand out medals to a few more freedom-lovers.
Let's see...how about Queen of Free Birth Control Sandra Fluke, MSNBC Head Lesbian Rachel Maddow, IRS official Lois Lerner, ousted Egyptian President Mohamed Morsi, and the no-longer-closeted basketball player/newly-christened homosexual icon, Jason Collins? Meanwhile, Barack Obama is probably trying to concoct a way to give one of those medals to his number-one choice -- himself.
Jeannie hosts a blog at www.jeannie-ology.com.