Empress Hillary, 2016
Hillary has already ordered the diamond tiara and gold scepter for her 2016 coronation, and a whole village of enslaved Chinese orphans is weaving her red carpet right now.
Sooner than you can say "Obama who?" Hillary will ascend to her rightful position of World Empress. The optics will dazzle us. Adorned in a floor length cape made from the dead cats of Bill's mistresses, she will bless us all from her 20-foot- platinum throne, gifted by our dear friends in Saudi Arabia.
True, she'll be a bit long in the tooth, but a federal edict, upheld by the Supreme Court, will force us all to wear Google Glass. Hillary's face, devised by Hollywood courtiers, will appear as a clever blend of her own features, circa 1983, and Scarlett Johansson's. A subtle halo will hover at all times.
Do you find this vision objectionable? Fear not, for Empress Hillary will care for us with the tender ministrations she lavished on the abandoned, slaughtered Americans in Benghazi.
And should you find yourself raped and dragged through the streets by screaming Muslim mobs, be assured that Hillary will comfort your survivors by jailing an unknown filmmaker.
If that was good enough for an American ambassador, surely that should be good enough for you.
Now what Royal Personage do you picture reigning by her side? His Supreme Excellency Bill, chuckling amiably and feeling up the maids?
That's been the plan all along, but we may be thinking too conventionally. Give the Clintons their due as fearless improvisers, able to maneuver and respond to the times.
Maybe we should prepare for a glamorous Muslima Royal Regent. Think "The Consort Wears Prada." Yes, Huma Abedin Weiner, a.k.a. Mrs. Carlos Danger, may deign to co-rule us yet.
If you're having trouble following this story, let's review the background I so helpfully laid out in September 2012 in "Bill and Hillary and Huma and Anthony." Describing "the vilest soap opera in American history" I noted, "This one's got it all: two sham marriages, sexual perversions, and national treachery at the highest level."
The Huma Comedy now bewitching the media is an utter crock. The commentariat's burning questions about the state of poor lil' Huma's marriage mask the cold truth: There is no Abedin/Weiner marriage.
There's only a political deal brokered by the Clintons: Weiner would marry Huma, Hillary's top aide, to stop increasingly uncomfortable attention to Hillary's intimate relationship with her. In turn, the Clintons would back Weiner's bid to be New York mayor.
When the pathetic Weiner committed a complete Twitter-ectomy of his Congressional career, The Plan temporarily derailed. But scandals that would force the rest of us to quiver in lifelong shame are mere temporary annoyances for this lot.
Weiner was soon back, sexting worshipful females and running for the Right Honorable Flasher of New York, with the help of his lovely bride. And if it hadn't been for that mean Sydney Leathers, they might have gotten away with it.
Of course, as the nation finds itself transfixed by Weiner's very public privates, the media studiously ignores the real scandal: Huma Abedin is a Muslim Brotherhood asset, planted at the highest level of national power.
The invaluable Andrew McCarthy lays out the whole sordid shebang here, including how Secretary of State Hillary and Huma collaborated to abandon Israel, bring the Muslim Brotherhood to power abroad, and impose Shariah-ism at home.
But, in the words of our Presumptive Empress: "What difference at this point does it make?" Hillary's fixers will continue to smooth the path for Huma's ascension to saintly wronged woman status, whose stoic nobility we must reward with our love. As the Washington Post reports, "The chatter was, if you wanted to stay in Hillary's good graces, you answer the call from Huma."
Which brings us to Plan B. The Weiner/Abedin farce may be past its sell-by date, but why not unleash a bold new plan? Now that the Supreme Court has fast-tracked gay marriage, why shouldn't Hillary and Huma publicly tie the knot?
Two wronged woman, so strong and brilliant, bravely make a new future together, because they have so much love to give each other and the world. How lucky we are to have them! Vote for these magnificent trail-blazers and Make History!
But wait a minute, you say. What about Bill? Well, nature might take its course and Bill could succumb in the arms of a particularly nubile female receptacle. Or maybe he'll agree to a friendly staged divorce, in which he'll get a piece of the action. The obedient media will shriek at us about the Clintons' awe-inspiring maturity at handling difficult life transitions and harangue us into learning important Life Lessons from them and worshiping them even more.
Or maybe Bill will join Huma in the White House for A New Paradigm Three-Way. After all, our moral betters will lecture us, "What is 'family' anyway?" Perhaps Bill will donate the goods for Huma to get pregnant and the whole world will celebrate the birth of Baby Mohammed in the White House.
You don't want Huma in the White House? Homophobe! Racist! Islamophobe! Hater! Bigot! Right-wing Christian!
This bunch didn't get where they are through failure of nerve.
Stella Paul's new ebook is What I Miss About America: Reflections from the Golden Age of Hope and Change, available at Amazon for just $1.99. Write Stella at Stellapundit@aol.com.