A Letter to Both Santas
Kids write letters to Santa Claus every year. It's a lovely tradition, but once you stop hoping for a pony to appear magically under the tree, it sort of dies. But with the same original, childlike hope, I thought a letter to the two biggest potential Santas (David H. and Charles G. Koch) that I know of might do the trick.
I know this letter might seem a little early, but since I started seeing Christmas items in my local stores even before Halloween, I just thought that perhaps Kathleen Sebelius had issued a new directive (apparently as part of her Obamacare authority which seems to allow her to control everything else) rescheduling your big day this year.
I'm sure that you've been scratching your head wondering what you could get me this year, and slide under my tree, to make my eyes pop in wonder and my heart beat with new joy on December 25th.
Well, I know it seems sort of bold of me to ask for something this large, but perhaps if you think of it not as a gift for me, the individual, but rather as a gift that would be shared with 330,000,000 of my friends, it might not seem as avaricious.
What would really make me smile would be if you would purchase something and then operate it for me, since making this thing work is well beyond my own personal abilities, but I'm sure you could find among your elves some that have both the knowledge and desire to take care of that little detail for you. And manage it better than it's being managed now. (That is the essence of capitalism, isn't it?)
What is it, you ask? Quite simply, Santas, I'd like you two to buy NBC from General Electric.
If a generous offer for NBC was made public, the management of GE would have a bit of explaining to do to their stockholders if they turned it down. Of course you could always arrange to buy it through a third party so that the essential idea that it was destined to be a gift would remain secret.
As for running NBC after the purchase, the same people who are operating the entertainment division could remain and produce the same mindless drivel that they have been producing for years. No one would have to endure unemployment as a result of new management. At least no one in the entertainment division.
The news division, though, would need some fixing up.
I know, I know, you don't usually give used things as gifts, but really, I wouldn't mind at all. Just because it's a fixer-upper doesn't make it less valuable if it really is what the heart desires.
Perhaps you could find a contractor with real experience to oversee the work. Someone that is respected. Someone who is looking for a new challenge to shake off the doldrums of semi-retirement. Someone like Brit Hume, who would run the NBC news division and begin making it look a lot more like FOX news.
I recognize that there would be some who are currently employed by NBC who would be unhappy with any changes. They might resist those changes. They might fight those changes.
They might also find themselves unemployed.
Of course they could always work for someone else. Burger King or McDonalds are always hiring.
Oh, and while I'm on the subject could you speak to the Easter Bunny for me? I believe he is also known as Sheldon Adelson. I know the Easter Bunny traditionally provides eggs each year but, as I get older, my doctor has limited the number of eggs I'm allowed, so there's a bit of a problem there. Perhaps you could suggest that this year, Mr. Bunny follow your lead and buy something for the whole country. It sure would beat hopping around all over the place while trying to juggle colored eggs, I think.
What should he buy, you ask? How about the New York Times? I hear with its financial woes, it wouldn't even be too expensive.
But just like the gift I requested from you, the Easter Bunny's gift would not be what it seems. NBC and the New York Times would only be the gift wrap. The real gift would be access for millions upon millions of people to the unvarnished truth.
Now that would be a worthy gift, and really, Santas, we really have been pretty good this year.
Jim Yardley is a retired financial controller for a variety of manufacturing firms, a Vietnam veteran, and an independent voter. Jim blogs at http://jimyardley.wordpress.com/, or he can be contacted directly at firstname.lastname@example.org.