Health Care Act Bans Happy Holiday News Stories

- SATIRE - Recent feature stories about your town's Labor Day block party may be the last of their kind.  That goes for articles about Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas parties, Easter sunrise services, and family vacations as well. Tucked into Section 8, Paragraph 6978.3A of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act is a provision banning favorable media coverage of activities enjoyed by groups of people, such as holidays emphasizing family and friendship.  The provision was included to safeguard the mental health of single people, who often suffer feelings of loneliness on holidays. "This group already feels abandoned and neglected," explained Congressman Nathan Nani, a Democrat whose district includes Brooklyn's trendy Park Slope neighborhood.  "We couldn't let them think Congress had forgotten them, too.  While treatment for holiday-related depression represents only 0.0256739% of all health care spending, our mandate was to keep costs down using every means...(Read Full Article)